Sunday, April 30, 2006

It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Wanna...

Friday, Caden turned one year old! Can you believe it? I can't. And he is walking further. He walks like a drunk monkey.

He hated (mostly) his party. He has had a runny nose and hadn't slept good in a few days. He was Mr. Fussy. When we gave him his own cake he had to be forced to touch it. Then, after he got icing on his hands it went all down hill. He hated the icing on his hands. Then he rubbed his face--getting icing all over it and IN his eye.

There was quite a few people here. Luckily it didn't rain. Moonpie grilled 16 hotdogs and 30 hamburgers--and all but 1 wiener and 2 patties were eaten. Kids seemed to have a good time. I think Moonpie let a few kids ride on the horse. And they loved running and playing in the backyard. All smokers stayed on the back deck. Caden got clothes, The Baby Leap Pad, Mega block, The Leap Pad caterpillar, bath tub toys, A Talking Dog, A T-Ball toy, and a few others (can't remember them all right now).

The next day (Saturday) I took him to the doctors...His runny nose, sleep deprivation for us both...I was thinking ear infection (AGAIN!!!). Turns out I was right. Both ears (again!!). I'm calling his pedi tomorrow--I took him to the clinic here in our bitty town...pedi is in bigger town 45 min away. Thought I'd save us a few $$ in gas money by going here. I am so sick of him having these ear infections. He's had about ear infections in 5 out of the last seven months.

So, today he is still Fussy. No fever. He is sleeping better. But I'm not. Thursday I took Claudia in to the docs...ear infection for her also. And TODAY I took Carson in. He has an ear infection AND strep throat. I am so tired. Everyone is fussy. Even me. 3 kids are on antibiotics.

OH, I went to see my GYN Thursday also. To have a check up on the ole HooHa. The tumor thing. Seems it has grown to almost 7 cm. OMG. He wants me to go to Dallas to a specialist. Some sorta GYN/Oncologist. But I am having an MRI here first. The MRI is on Wednesday. Please pray or burn incense or lay out carrots or whatever you religion requires. Lets hope this is just an obese left side of my HooHa (I'm not just a fat ass--but a fat HooHa as well)--and not CANccccccccER. And if you have chemo, does it make ALL (as in ALL) of your "hair" fall out? Like on your head, arms, legs and your, know...AND your HooHa? That would be sooooo weird.

OK. Lets hope everyone takes all their meds. I had to take Carson back to Direct Care to get a shot--he has refused to take his antibiotic all day. Is still running 102* fever...and is so lethargic and quiet that I'm wishing he would be back to his ole ADHD self. (What am I thinking???)


Monday, April 17, 2006

Bye Bye, Bipolar...

I hate bipolar. I do. It is a sucky thing to have and to witness. My Poppy (my Uncle who raised me--and I consider him my Daddy) is bipolar. He is a disabled vet of Vietnam. Paralyzed from mid chest down. Lost both legs in the last 5 years due to poor circulation. Has gone off the deep end on several occasions.

And now again he is off in his own world. He isn't the best about taking his meds. Or rather he will be good for a while--maybe a year--then go off them. Drink. Stay up for days. Not eat or take care of himself. Then he gets bad pressure sores that get MAJORALLY infected.

And his mind. wow. On Saturday he went "shopping". Have you ever seen a bipolar go shopping?? When they are on a high!? It's bad. He just bought $1500 worth of guns. THAT is scary. Later today me, my brother (who Poppy is close to) and Mimi ( his wife and my Aunt/Mother) are going to do an intervention of sorts. We have to convince him to go to Houston to the VA Hospital. He is convinced that The Houston VA is out to "get him"--so it will be hard. But he HAS to go. His butt is infected. He is trying to get my Aunt to cash a $30,000 cd for him. So he can go buy what? Guns for everyone he knows? A car? A sailboat (he has bought these things in the past!)?

Think of me...I have a love as deep as the ocean for this man. And today he will be mean to me and I to him. He will say hateful things to me. And crazy things. And I will say ANYTHING to get him help. My Daddy is sick. And I just want him well. And alive.

I wish I could kick Bipolar in the ASS! I hate it.

Friday, April 14, 2006

99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall...

99. That's alot right? That's on up there on the ole numerical scale. That's how many posts or entries I have on the blog now. I am amazed. To think I actually have spent 99 times in front of the computer trying to put my minds ramblings and scatterbrained-ness into words. I feel almost proud of myself. Or in awe anyway!

I have no real hobbies. Unless sleeping and eating are hobbies. Once upon a time I liked to cross-stitch. But I never really finished that project (my sister did, years later). I once liked to read novels alot. And I read faaaaast. Like a book a day. But now I can only read magazine articles--short ones, like in People. Now *this* is my hobby. My time to unwind. And yet, even that is interrupted with dirty diapers and bumped heads and a husband calling "What are you doing on the computer?!" or the dryer going off. Or the timer on the oven filled with chicken nuggets and french fries.

So, really these few (99!!) posts are about all I have--all that are MINE. Each one should have taken brief minutes to do--but I can promise you that every one was halted or delayed numerous times each. Including this one.

But it's MINE. All mine.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Go Fish!...

Moonpie took me and the boys to a park the other day...They have piers for fishing, parks for swinging, cabins--for camping. Carson had a great time. We all did. Maybe we will even camp there this Summer...Maybe.

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You should have seen the one that got away!!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

*dancing*--Like Snoopy...

I am so happy, proud and joyful right now (this minute). The past two weeks have been full. Full of stress. Full of hard work. Full of...Well, stuff. But I am happy right now.

Calie has been working really hard. She had decided to try out for drill team! This child of mine hates physical activity. She is a COUCH/bed potato. She has never even taken ONE dance class in her life. She is long, lanky (88#) and a little on the clumsy side (after me). She is NOT limber. At all. She couldn't even stand up, bend over and touch her toes without being in pain. But she went to the clinic. She video-ed the routine. She practiced. She stretched. She breathed, ate and slept this routine. She can *almost* do the splits now. She worked so hard. I am SICK of hearing Wynona (sp?) Judd sing "Hunka Burning Love". Ugh.

Friday afternoon were tryouts. 57 girls were trying out for a spot on the drill team. 21 of those were on the team last year. I wanted it so bad for her...I had the WORST headache. My eye had been twitching for 2 days (still is) because I was SO stressed/nervous for her. After her group of four went into the gym (parents were not allowed in to watch the tryouts)--she came out with a shaky smile. She said she did "ok" but that she messed up a little at the end. Her Daddy was the only Father who came to tryouts. I was so proud that he did--He took the kids home while we all waited for results--but it was nice that he came and stayed until after she performed.... After everyone had tried out, they had "call backs"--some had been marked a "maybe" and the judges wanted to see them one more time before making a decision. Calie was called back. She was upset because that meant they didn't say "yes" after her first attempt. But I told her it was just a second chance to fix everything that she thought she had messed up on. To smile bigger. She point her toes more. To kick higher. To show them how hard she had worked and how bad she wanted this... After her call back she felt better--but still very nervous. When they handed out the letters (some said "Congrats"...Some said "please try again next year") Calie and her friend (who was on the team last year--who really helped Calie practice) decided to open their letters together outside. Some girls opened their letters right away. It was sad to see the faces of those who didn't make it--you could tell right away--their chins quivered, their hands shook, their eyes filled with tears. My heart ached for them and my stomach churned--please, please, please let Calie get a good letter...

M. And Calie opened their letters together. They cried together. They screamed together. They jumped up and down together!!! *I* cried. Girls who didn't even know Calie ran over and hugged her. There was one group of girls hugging, laughing and jumping around screaming. And another a few yards away--hugging, crying and so very sad.

I am so proud of Calie. Of her hard work. Her determination. She really did deserve it. Cliff and I are so proud. This is what she needs. A group that she can "belong" to. She will feel special. Her confidence will increase. Her "friends" will increase (she was always a "one friend at a time" person). She will have the social life she always wanted. It feels like a dream. To her and to us. We are sore from smiling so much. She goes to camp in June to Louisiana. She can't wait!

Congrats Calie! We love you and are SO proud of you. My little dancer girl!

(Now I need to get a part time job to pay for this--it is EXPENSIVE to be on the drill team...But even if I have to pick up cans on the side of the road...My girl is gonna DANCE!!!!)