Saturday, November 25, 2006

Thanksgiving Host...

I hosted Thanksgiving this year. There was me, my 4 kids (Moonpie was working), my sister, her husband and their 2 boys and my Mother In Law. My brother and his family stayed home this year...I DID ask them to come. I roasted a turkey (I've never done before). Prepared dressing, green bean casserole, scalloped corn casserole, a spinach salad, a (jello pudding) chocolate pie, a cheesecake pie, thawed out some brownies, opened a can of Ocean Spray cranberries, made some jalepeno dip and opened some chex mix. My MIL fried some chicken and made rocking mac n cheese. My sister made a yummy punkin pie. We all pigged out.

I was so thankful for my guests. I was thankful when I carved the turkey and there was no bloody juices. I was thankful my sister browned the rolls--I would have burned them. I am thankful my MIL brought me some new bath towels (she believes in gifting the sweet). I am thankful that Claudia, Carson and Caden only pooped 9 times between themselves. Tummy Virus? I was not thankful for the burnt onions on the green bean casserole. Not thankful that I forgot to do the gravy. Not thankful that when Moonpie came home he said "I hope yall plan on cleaning this place up tomorrow". And I swear to you, on a stack of Bibles as tall as Michael Jordan that it was NOT that bad--I had already cleaned the kitchen. But I was thankful that the couch was comfy that night--I slept like a baby--a baby who sleeps thru the night.

Today the dogs ate the left over dressing and the left over green bean casserole. I am supposed to put the Christmas tree up today. sigh. I have my windows open, it is so warm today. Well, warm for the end of November. And I am supposed to put up a Christmas tree today. That means I have to climb up in the attic (while making sure no one climbs the ladder behind me), drag the stuff down (without dropping a huge Rubbermaid tub on anyone's head) and then PUT IT UP! And decorate it. And keep Caden out of the tree. And clean the house to Moonpie's standards (or close).

Think I'll go eat another brownie before I really get started. OH! I bought and read the best book yesterday. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. I read it ALL! and cried my eyeballs out. LOVE IT. Get it if you can. Calie's reading it now.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

More Drugs. Please...

We are upping Carson's Ritalin tomorrow. I think his little liver has caught onto the fact we are drugging him and so it is dumping the meds SO fast. He had been taking half of a 5mg pill in the AM, a quarter of a pill twice at school (10AM and 1PM) and another half at home after school. Now we are moving up to one half 4 times per day.

I am hoping that the increase is tolerated well and that it doesn't cause him to hide under tables and become depressed or over sensitive to EVERYTHING. Or say "Cookie" at everything. That was his catch phrase the last time we upped his meds. "Carson, help Claudia pick up the blocks." "Oh. Cookie. Cookie." If it does we will just back off again and talk to his psychiatrist. I am also hoping that when we go back to the shrink in December that we can move up to the patch. That will cause less of a disturbance to his school schedule.

I was at school with him twice last week. Once for a field trip and then later in the week for "Thanksgiving Dinner" (umm..yuck). He was OK...but I did have a few kids in the class say "Carson is wild" or "He likes to get in our faces too much". I tried to tell them "Well, Carson is just so excited to be at school and he likes his friends so much, we just have to remind him when he gets into your personal space". I want the kids to be kind. To like my boy. To cut him a little slack. I don't want him to become a social outcast. It is hard to explain without saying "Carson is ill. He is different. He is special." I don't want him to be labeled by his peers like that either. Ugh.

On a lighter note...Carson (and Claudia) got new Leap Frog Leapsters (hand held game) that teach numbers, shapes and allows them to be creative and use the drawing section. They LOVE them. Calie said it was the best money we ever spent on them--because the house is almost eerily quiet at times. Thank you Mimi! They LOVE them!!

A Few Pictures...

Haven't posted pictures in a while...

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Calie. Every night she has to try on the next days "outfit" and I have to assure her it looks great.

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Caden. Waiting on more food.

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Alice the Fairy and Woody.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Me Oh My...

Me. I've had emails "checking on me". I've had my sister calling me (crying) and worrying about me. I've had friends (Courtney) calling me and saying "Are you OK?" and even tho I know they mean the very, very best. That they love me makes me feel so guilty. Like my depression is...I dunno. I wish it was easy to fix. That all the calls, emails and love could wipe it out but it doesn't--and that makes me feel guilty. Like I am failing them. I wish their calls and worry and "lets go do ______ today" would help but it doesn't.

I'm not thinking about suicide. It's not *that* bad. But it is there. The depression. I try to keep busy. I "do" alot with Courtney, I talk to my sister at least once but sometimes 2 times per day. I am a member of the local MOPS group. I donate plasma twice per week. I take my kids to the doctor when they need it. I wash their clothes. Make supper. Bathe them. But I feel like it is all just 'motions' I go thru... Sometime I 'do' so much that I just want a day at home. Where I do NOTHING. So I can rest. Watch TV. But then I get one of those days. Like today. And the depression is so THERE. or HERE. Maybe I need to go back into counseling. But then that would be one more "thing" I do. And maybe this is why I haven't taken that application and turned it in. Because subbing when they needed me would just be another thing I "do". Do I make sense? Well, I do to me! haha

Maybe my meds need adjusting. Or changing. Maybe I need something--but I don't know what I need. Except for a nap. I know I need one of those.

Claudia's SIX!

I can't believe that Claudia is 6. We had a birthday party for her last Friday night, here at home. She was so excited. We had family and a few friends of mine that have children her age (or close to it). I had Wal Mart fill up 30 balloons with helium. We taped them all over the place. I made her a cake and bought premade cupcakes too. We had pizza delivered. She got some niiiice gifts too. Her favorites (today) are the tea set and this digital puppy thing from the Littlest Pet Shop.

I heard her telling Carson "When you are six, then you will understand!" all about why sometimes words end in "e" but you don't SAY the "e". Smart girl.

At the party she dressed in a ballerina outfit, strappy sandals with clog heels, a hoodie jacket and her "today I am 6 years old!" ribbon. Quite the fashion plate. She has a boyfriend at school. Still the same one. They call each other "pet names" at school. Claudia calls L. "HoneyPie" and he calls her "Buttercup". OMG. The teacher finds is quite funny that Claudia signs her papers "Claudia *hearts* L." I try to discourage it gently--but her teacher tells me it is all normal (ha) and the less I say/do the better. Calie broke up with her boyfriend--she didn't "feel sparks" about him. They are still friends--tho I suspect he wishes more. I was hoping that this little update with Calie might persuade Claudia that she can be friends with L. also. But they are still an item. He even got his mom to buy cupcakes for Claudia's birthday for the whole class. aggghhh! hahaha!

I filled out an application to be a substitute teacher at a private, church based school. But I haven't turned in the application. Caden would be able to go to the day school/day care for free while I am there...and I could make about $50 per day. But it is just hard to get my mind around it all.

The weather has turned cooler. It is almost like Fall, for real. But in a few days the highs are supposed to be in the 80's. That ought to make my head cold/sinus stuff really take off. Yeah, and multiply times 20. Moonpie has been taking the kids on "adventures" into the pasture alot. Since we sold the horse the pasture is no longer off limits to them, so they are having a grand time.

Carson has strep throat again. And his teacher thinks that his antibiotic is messing with his adhd meds. He had a really "hard" day at school yesterday. One of the worst ones she said. He only has to take the antibiotic for 6 more days (when I told his teacher that she almost fainted). I am going to a 4 part seminar at Carson's school regarding "self directed discipline"...can't wait to see how that is done.

Caden is getting braver and more "terrible two" like every day. He is throwing more tantrums and hitting when he is mad/upset. This morning I was holding him in my lap at school, in the cafeteria, while waiting for Carson to get his breakfast tray...and Caden wanted DOWN. Because I wouldn't let him, he reached back and over his head and grabbed my throat and attempted to rip my skin off. I now have scratch marks on my neck and chin. Heathen. He needs a haircut. But there is nothing I love more than rubbing my nose and cheeks on the downy hair at the nape of his neck. yummy!

Calie is still Calie. Maybe my "slap her" instinct is less these days but she still aggravates me to no end. I went into her room this AM and her dog has no food and the hamster (that she has banished to her closet) has no water. So she will get the "You are so would you like it if I didn't feed YOU?" lecture for the 3,000th time when she gets home. I'm sure this time it will make an impact on her. not.

OK, going to tell you about me but I gotta do it in a post by itself...