Oh my. Calie is not normal. She radiates hate towards me and Moonpie. And her siblings. Last night I told her to come home (she was "hanging out" with friends). She told me they were watching a movie and she would come home at the end. I told her "no--come home NOW". Her reply? "Mother, stop being so stupid!" OMG. I wanted to strangle her. I told her to get her ass home before I called AT&T and disconnected her pphone service. She was home in 30 minutes.
She can't wait til she is 18. She thinks she will just move out and her life will be a big party. I ask her "How will you pay your bills?" She will work. "How will you go to school?" When I'm not working. "So that leaves *how* much time to party?" UGH. Lots of people do it Mom. Quit saying I can't do it.
She hates us so much she will leave and never come back. I will never see her unless she needs money. This is not what I envisioned. This is not how it is supposed to be.
I can't leave her with the kids for very long at all. They say she is "so mean" when I am gone. They hate to stay with her.
She has a therapy appointment comeing up in early August. I hope it helps her. I really do. I need a break.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Corn. I Will Never Serve Corn Again...
I have been changing diapers all day with corn in them. And it has been the most disqusting thing I have ever looked at or smelled in all the other kids I have produced. Especially when it is smeared on my bedroom window sill.
It is days like this that I look towards the sky, not so much towards heaven, but mainly just UP to get the kids out of my line of vision, and I moan--When? When will this shit end?!! People who are well meaning (my therapist, psychiatrist) say that in a few years things will be so much better when they grow up a little and need us less. HAHAHAHAHAHA. This makes me burp up a little vomit. They forget we have a 16 year old. When Claudia turns 16, Carson will be 15 and Caden 12. This shit won't end until I am OLD(er). Why...I'll be 49 and Cliff will be 54. I'll be in Rusk (Insane Aslumn)
Speaking of my Psychiatrist...I'm begginning to think she is a figment of my dilusions. I had an appointment with her in June. I showed up and their electricity was off--some transformer crap of an excuse. So I was rescheduled for July 30th. Today I got a note in the mail and it's been rescheduled to August 31st. I told the scheduler that didn't she understand that I am a crazy person and she is making my life harder not easier. She said if I needed more meds (which I do!) I could come to the clinic and talk to a nurse (ooooooooh Goooooody).
ok, gotta go. Fight over a blanket while watching Sharkboy and Lavagirl (omg.).
It is days like this that I look towards the sky, not so much towards heaven, but mainly just UP to get the kids out of my line of vision, and I moan--When? When will this shit end?!! People who are well meaning (my therapist, psychiatrist) say that in a few years things will be so much better when they grow up a little and need us less. HAHAHAHAHAHA. This makes me burp up a little vomit. They forget we have a 16 year old. When Claudia turns 16, Carson will be 15 and Caden 12. This shit won't end until I am OLD(er). Why...I'll be 49 and Cliff will be 54. I'll be in Rusk (Insane Aslumn)
Speaking of my Psychiatrist...I'm begginning to think she is a figment of my dilusions. I had an appointment with her in June. I showed up and their electricity was off--some transformer crap of an excuse. So I was rescheduled for July 30th. Today I got a note in the mail and it's been rescheduled to August 31st. I told the scheduler that didn't she understand that I am a crazy person and she is making my life harder not easier. She said if I needed more meds (which I do!) I could come to the clinic and talk to a nurse (ooooooooh Goooooody).
ok, gotta go. Fight over a blanket while watching Sharkboy and Lavagirl (omg.).
Monday, July 23, 2007
That's How I Roll...
Tonight I sit here in front of my new computer...that is just as slow as the one we bought when I was pg with Claudia (2000). But this week someone who shines, who glows with a light from within, who can brighten smiles and is responsible for spontaneous parties will come into my home and give me satellite internet!!!!! I will post with the speed of a NASCAR driver. I will surf the net til my fingers shrivel. I will be happy. Calie will be estatic.
Onto other news. Caden pooped in a potty yesterday. Twice. Peed on the floor 3 times. Peed in Diego! underwear 3 times. We were thrilled. HE was thrilled. Today he wore the potty on his head.
Calie is about to start therapy. Don't ask me why--cause I'm not sure. But she has told me things that made me wish she wasn't so "comfortable" talking to me. She asked me yesterday "Mom? How do you know when you are in love?" I wanted to say "Don't ask me--obviously I picked a loser!" (tee hee)
Moonpie and I are getting along great (still no sex). I almost feel like he is my friend (I dont think I ever thought of him as a friend before). I feel less like shooting the finger at the back of his head or cussing him out from the saftey of the laundry room (where he can't hear me). I still have urges to slap him upside the head--but I am able to control those urges.
Claudia is almost 16. Can you believe it? 16. what? she's only six?! Are you sure? I am beginning to wonder if Carson does NOT have ADHD--I think all his bad behaviour is because Claudia is constantly aggravating, frusterating and irritating him. She wants lipgloss on at all times. And bosses the entire family around. Wench.
Carson's T-ball team won 1st place in their league. Carson spent alot of time digging in the dirt or scratching his ummmm...leg, so I can't say that huge trophy was due to his catching skills or tagging abilities. BUT, he ALWAYS got on 1st base when he hit! He has a new hero. Spiderman. I bought him the outfit at Wal Mart and he has worn it for 4 days straight this time. It even has a mask!
We now have 7 cats (2 of who are currently pregnate AGAIN) and 7 kittens. FREE KITTENS! Get your FREE KITTENS here!!
Onto other news. Caden pooped in a potty yesterday. Twice. Peed on the floor 3 times. Peed in Diego! underwear 3 times. We were thrilled. HE was thrilled. Today he wore the potty on his head.
Calie is about to start therapy. Don't ask me why--cause I'm not sure. But she has told me things that made me wish she wasn't so "comfortable" talking to me. She asked me yesterday "Mom? How do you know when you are in love?" I wanted to say "Don't ask me--obviously I picked a loser!" (tee hee)
Moonpie and I are getting along great (still no sex). I almost feel like he is my friend (I dont think I ever thought of him as a friend before). I feel less like shooting the finger at the back of his head or cussing him out from the saftey of the laundry room (where he can't hear me). I still have urges to slap him upside the head--but I am able to control those urges.
Claudia is almost 16. Can you believe it? 16. what? she's only six?! Are you sure? I am beginning to wonder if Carson does NOT have ADHD--I think all his bad behaviour is because Claudia is constantly aggravating, frusterating and irritating him. She wants lipgloss on at all times. And bosses the entire family around. Wench.
Carson's T-ball team won 1st place in their league. Carson spent alot of time digging in the dirt or scratching his ummmm...leg, so I can't say that huge trophy was due to his catching skills or tagging abilities. BUT, he ALWAYS got on 1st base when he hit! He has a new hero. Spiderman. I bought him the outfit at Wal Mart and he has worn it for 4 days straight this time. It even has a mask!
We now have 7 cats (2 of who are currently pregnate AGAIN) and 7 kittens. FREE KITTENS! Get your FREE KITTENS here!!
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