It is 10:30PM on a Saturday night. MP and Calie are at a baseball game and won't be back until tomorrow. I'm OK with that. But guess what happened 30 minutes ago!? I scared Carson. Literally scared the crap outta him. He may need counseling later in life because of what I did. Can you not judge me? I am my worst critic and I don't need YOU judging me too. OK? OK. Here goes:
I gave the kids a bath cause they were nasty. It was really late when I bathed them--but we are home alone! So we can stay up late if we wanna. Well, after being in there for maybe 15 minutes Carson is screaming to get out (v v unusual). I go in and smell a stinky fart--a "I need to poop" fart...You know what I'm talking about...It wasn't a "I gotta little gas" fart. So I tell him "You are going to sit on the potty and poop!" And he goes: "Uhhhh. No." I MADE him get on the toilet. And I held him hostage. I sat in the floor in front of him and told him he could get up when he pooped. He was maaaaad. He screamed. I swear, I almost had myself convinced he was possessed. I have never seen him act like that. He was screaming, spitting/drooling on himself. His pupils were sooooo big. I thought he was gonna scream his poop out. He was MAD I tell you--crazy mad. Like rabies mad. I'm not kidding. FINALLY he pooped. I think it scared him. But he was really surprised and happy. I began dancing around the bathroom. Singing "You are getting a donut!!...You are getting a donut!!" Then we called Daddy. Carson was so proud of himself. He kept saying "And the poop is happy too." I told him "Yes the poop WANTS to go in the potty. The Poop is happy!! And we are happy too!"
Now lets all pray that he isn't damaged by me forcing him to stay on the potty--and I mean I literally held him there. And lets pray it happens again (poop in potty=good thing). Let's see...He is 3 years and 5 months now. And he pooped in the potty. At gunpoint (not really). Now I gotta get in bed...I gotta get up at the butt crack of dawn in the AM and go get some stinking donuts.
What an asshole.
15 hours ago