Saturday, March 11, 2006

National Looney Family Vacation...

Spring Break. Just doesn't mean the same when you are 37, married and have four kids to take care of. Remember Spring Break when it meant hanging out at the lake, drinking, wearing a bikini and swimming in the freezing water? I never went anywhere more exotic than Galveston but Spring Break always meant fun.

This year, Moonpie took off from work, the kids will be out of school and up my ass for NINE days and we are going to Mimi's house (near Galveston). All of us. All six of us. In a vehicle that has a maximum capacity of six. Uncomfy. No leg room on account of the diaper bag, toy bag, and all the crap needed in the back seat for 3 small kids (not counting the magazines and iPod for a 15 year old--who will ignore everything--lucky wench).

Moonpie hates to talk while driving--he likes to think (what? what is *thinking*? who has time for that?). Calie will be plugged into the iPod. Which will leave me to referee. Read "The Foot Book" 1,500 times. Sing "The Wheels on the Bus"--all 300 verses. Change 2 dirty diapers on he side of the road, while balancing on my knee a 19 pound, flopping, fish out of water baby boy who only wants to rip his testicles off and test the texture of poop with his fingers. Luckily I can make either Claudia or Carson sit in the front with Moonpie and Calie. So, I will sit in the back between Caden and the other--who will whine because THEY have to sit in the back. I can hardly wait to pack 700 lbs of clothes for everyone (just me and 3 of the kids, the others can pack themselves!). And remember the sunscreen. And baby wipes. Baby food! Every medicine that has "Chilrens's" or "Infant" in the name that exists. Then the visit itself. Someone else's house. I have to protect their belongings from drool. Being climbed on. Broken. Stolen (Claudia). Try to keep everyone on some semblance of schedule and order--or they will terrorize me when we get back and it will take 3 weeks to get them to bed on time. Wake up and not act like "GrumpleStealsKin".

Aught to be fun, huh? Plus we have to bring two small yappy dogs, in that vehicle. WITH US. And clean up their pee and poop--since Mimi's dogs (2 yappy Yorkies) are supposedly "paper trained"--but they miss the paper more than they mark it--so my dogs will think it is a free for all when it comes to urinating and defecating. AND *my* dogs will be accused of allllll the poop. 'Cause her boys are "paper trained"! Also, I am SURE it will be my responsibility to find someone to feed 3 bitchy cats and 2 HUGE labs--and feed the horse while we are gone.

And they call this a vacation? From what? The only good thing? I can buy alcholic beverages in the GROCERY store there!!! We leave Monday AM and get back Thursday AMish/afternoonish. Miss me ok? Maybe I will update while there--but I may not have time. Can you believe that? I will have less free time on vacation that I would if I stayed home!

(Dont think I havent already thought of sending everyone on vacation while *I* stay home!--that was majorly vetoed)


Dee said...

Iremember those vacations. husband hates to travel period but when he does, he loves music...and not the type I like. You cannot carry kids on your lap here. they will pull you over for it. They have to be in carseats under a certain age and with seatbelts if they are old enough. Don't worry...someday you will miss these 'vacations'.

Anonymous said...

Just think of all the material you'll have for your blog. Godspeed, my friend, and I have to agree - someday you will these.