Friday, April 20, 2007

Bipolar Thoughts...

My life really is a mess right now. Calie is sneaking out, lying...being 16. Carsons ADHD meds stopped working long enough for him to spray paint my washer and dryer black (in the middle of the night)...then a few days later he busted 30 eggs into his bed and carpet in the middle of the night. We started him on new meds yesterday--so far so good. I have been diagnosed as bipolar. I'm on enough meds that sound scary to start my own psychotic show (Lithium and Klonopin to name a few).

And Moonpie (AKA Asshole) left me on Monday because he "Couldn't support me in the way I needed". He also isn't attracted to me AT ALL--and there isn't even a "spark" there anymore. 12 hours later he changed his mind and begged me to let him stay-- I may be fucking crazy but I told him to get his crap and GO. It's gonna take ALOT to heal these wounds--they may never heal. But I will survive (With God and some gooooooood drugs). PS: He left all 4 kids, 6 dogs, 5 cats (and 4 kittens) and 1 fish with me. He went to his mothers (who has yet to call and check on her "daughter-in-law OR grandkids). Wednesday was his day off--he didn't come see the kids. He saw them last night.

I gotta go. I have no concept of time right now and I need to ice some cupcakes for school.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

REAL Mental Illness Ain't Funny...

Thursday I went and saw a psychiatrist. The meds I've been on were not doing what I needed them to do. You know, keep me sane. Safe, My kids safe too. I was unsure about this new doctor, his waiting room looked like Christmas. The tree was still up. Holiday cards fixed to the walls....weird.

When he finally called me in he asked me questions. I talked a blue streak. My knees were jumping up and down like CRAZY. I couldn't stop them. (I tried-hard)

So now I am Bipolar I. On Lithium(300mg 2x). Klonnipin(1mg 3x per day) Effexor XR (150mg) and Trazadone 50mg. I am a druggie. And a lifetime of crazy--there is no cure for this. And I can pass it along to my kids.

I'm not happy.