Thursday, September 25, 2008

My Ex Spouse Is Up To Something...


My ex is...bearable. Tolerable. But he never misses a chance to call me stupid--or insinuate that I am stupid. It was his favorite past time for 19 years and 5 months. So, I find myself sniffing for the smell of fish when he is nice-ish. You know, the smell that makes you say "Something is FISHY, here"?

Yesterday he calls me at work. Tells me that him and the boys are at WalMart. Then he uttered..."Do you need anything while I'm here?" wtf?! Of course I said no. Like I want to owe him ANYTHING?! Please. Can you imagine if I had said "Yeah, laundry detergent. Koolaid. And a big bottle of AstroGlide."

Then, if it could get any better. I went to pick the boys up at 6PM. He was in the shower so I visited the spare restroom. When I came out he says (from our once *shared* bedroom) "Hey! Can you come here a minute?" UMMMMM--NO. "I want you to look at this paint. Tell me what you think." Ok, so hes painting the bedroom. His bedroom. Wanted me to weigh in on the shade. Why!? Why!?? Mind you he was wearing shorts and no shirt at the time. Please dress yourself. Please don't invite me into your room. Or offer to buy me groceries. Or make me throw up in my mouth. Gross.

He is an excellent father. My kids are blessed to have him. He sucks as a husband. He is a homophobic, racist, chauvinistic sphincter muscle. He only watches movies that have boobs, bombs and bullets--and car chases. He doesn't read (I tease that he CAN'T read). He hunts. Animals and women. YOUNG women. He is 45. Looks 35--or younger. His body is in shape. But his personality is...lacking.

He really needs to shape up--or my kids will never have a mother figure at his house. Plus, he keeps dating the 18-25 year olds. I mean, COME ON! Our oldest daughter is 17. She will be 18 in January. Does he want HER dating a 45 year old father of 4????

Bless his heart tho. Why? I dunno--someone should.

3 comments:

Slick said...

Yeah, something's fishy alright.

Hell, I'm never nice to my ex anymore

Trixie said...

He sounds a bit like mine, as in excellent father, shite husband.

But really, I can't see why these guys think girls 20 odd years younger are attracted to them??? But I guess, some are. Eeewwww!!!

Anonymous said...

Slick: I'm not "nice" only cordial. Which I think equals "playing hard to get" to him. SO I intrigue him (losing 20 lbs after I left his sorry ass didnt hurt either)--but I never was fond of ex sex anyways.

Trixie: Spot on. excellent father--shithead for husband. The reason he likes em young? They are easier to "boss" around. He has an authority complex. Wants to be all womens Daddy. But he was never any good at disipline/spankings... ;)

Martie, Queen Bitch of this here Blog...