The Ex Factor Part Dos...

My new and improved husband has told me that his ex wife was slightly evil. I sorta blew that off as "Ex Anger". Turns out, there is some truth in what he tells me. This weekend my fabulous step children told their daddy that their mommy told them that *I* was evil...to not take anything I tried to give them...because I would try to poison them. That since Carson is on medication, they need to "watch out--she'll try to give YOU his pills..." Can you believe that?

When he* told me this, I was LIVID! I wanted to scratch her eyes out. Then I realized. SHE is the one poisoning them. Children are NOT stupid. They know that I love them DEARLY. That I would NEVER do anything to hurt them. And two of them already know she is..."off". All of her "stunts" only highlight the truth. But she is scary too--and the kids are scared of her. Sad, huh?

I'm sad for the kids. Heck, I'm even sad for HER--how messed up, jealous and sexually deprived do you have to be to say those things to your 12, 10, 9 and 5 year old children!?? Does she think she will drive a wedge between him* and I? Because this behaviour only makes him ask me to marry him all over again... And we do get several good laughs out of her paranoia.

So, I'm still praying for her--tho it was hard the night I found out she had told the kids I was an "evil woman who wants to poison them". But I will continue to pray she gets help. That her rotten mind and decayed heart are healed. And that she gets a good dose of male delivered orgasms. I think she will really feel better then. May help her disposition.

Show Me The Money...AKA Cutting Off The Internet Due To Lack Of Funds...

Yep. It has come to this. I know I am not the only person is the US of A having a hard time financially. I know how blessed I really am. I have a house (until the 1st--when I have no rent $$). I have my physical health (we aren't talking about my mental health today). I have the love of him* and of Him. My kids are beautiful, healthy and smart.

But money *does* sorta make the world go 'round, doesn't it? It would make my car go too--my gas light is coming on. Even at $1.84 per gallon I'm having a hard time. The other day I went to see my shrink for meds. Luckily, I qualified for a little financial assistance. I only had to buy ONE prescription that day--and it was on the $4.00 Wal-Mart list of prescription drugs. But I literally had to lift the floor mats of my car to come up with enough change to make $4.00.

My 3 year old isn't potty trained yet. I don't want to think about WHY he isn't (but it would go something like this: The divorce is the reason. He's rebelling. Or he's a TURKEY--stubborn...surely not *my* fault). I decided this week to potty train him and the main reason is because I don't have the money for pull-ups or diapers. Sad, huh?

So, we've decided that until we get me employed and we get caught up on any delinquent (baha) bills...we're shutting down cable/Internet. We mainly read to each other or watch dvds anyway. Tho the kids will miss TV the most. We let them lay on the pull out couch and watch Discovery TV (Man vs Wild with Bear Grylls) every weekend.

So, this may be my last post for awhile--at least until I find where all the free wifi around town is...

The Ex Factor...

I was married for 19 years to my ex husband. The divorce itself wasn't "nice", but we do get along now. He pays me my equity check on time. I watch the kids extra for him several times per month. I call him if Caden shows progress at potty training. I call him on "report card" day to give him the low down... we get along.

My husbands (Sweets) ex, on the other hand... well, she's not so nice. It infuriates her to see me. Even worse if their kids are around and pay *me* attention. Take basketball practice for example:

Sweets is coaching basketball for his oldest son this year and signed the 2 girls up for basketball also. I went to practice Tuesday--and while Sweets was on the court with J*... The girls came and sat by me, played with me, all while "the MOTHER" watched. Today she called and told Sweets "You know, if you just gave me full custody you wouldn't even have to pay child support"... She got the response most Fathers would give...which was specific directions to a very warm climate.

She is a very bitter, angry person. And honestly, I believe she is jealous. Jealous that he has moved on and found happiness. AND that her children like me. I prayed for her yesterday. Prayed that God would thaw out her frozen heart. That he would allow her to find some tiny bit of happiness--somewhere. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to pray for her more than once. Sigh...

Got any advice? I need to stay calm. Because I've dreamed of meeting her in a dark alley...don't think that's the way to go.

Can I Just Say...?

Thank you for loving me. All the time. Even when it's the wee hours of the morning...and you really don't want to, but you know I will pout all day if you don't. So you do it anyway. I promise to do it for you someday--later today if ya want...

A Trip And A Stumble Down Memory Lane...

Remember my divorce a few months back? Ahhh, yes. A lovely time in my life. Well, it also was the "day I lost insurance"...

Some of you know, because you KNOW me. Some of you know because you read between the crooked-as-hell lines. And some of you don't know: that I am Bipolar. BOO! Scare ya? Anyways. I'm on several medications that keep me from killing myself and sometimes from killing others (sometimes). One of those medications cost $347 per month with no insurance. Yeah. That's just one of them. I can't financially afford to be sane. I keep waiting for the check to come down from B. Obama. I mean, I am the poor... but alas, my mailbox only contains bills.

So, yesterday I went and visited my old crazy friends down at the local NUT HUT (where I spent some quality time back in 2005). I had to apply for ASSistance from the good ole government. Boy, was I proud. I get a lump in my throat the size of Texas just thinking about it. It took me 2 hours to fill out paperwork, sign my 9th kid away and convince them I was not in danger of going manic OR depressive...at the moment.

I got a 30 minute lecture on how important it would be to go to ALL my appointments. Take ALL my meds. Be able to pass a RANDOM drug test at any moment. I had to swear I wasn't wanted by the law. That I was really a "good" girl. I was so ashamed. I have gone to ALL my psychiatrist appointments in the past. I am not the most compliant on my meds--but that is usually because I can't afford them. I haven't ingested any illegal drugs since a few vicodin in 2005. And I have NEVER been arrested. Geez. I felt like a skid row Bitch. I am a good girl, I'm just crazy. But in a GOOD way. hee hee.

While sitting in the waiting room I met a young lady (I say young only because she was younger than me--or maybe she wasn't, I dunno) who was looking for a new doctor. Hers had choked to death on a piece of meat at a Pharmaceutical Convention. Is that not both the saddest and freaky thing you ever heard?? I mean, I'm sure there was SOMEONE who knew the Heimlich Maneuver...surely? I just can't stop thinking about this one... wow. Surely there were DOCTORS there?? Someone trained in CPR? Anybody? Whew. Wow. Can't seem to let this one go.

Anywhoo. I am now on the government dole. Today I get to go back to the NUT HUT and see my doctor. Listen to him grip about the fact that I haven't had my blood work done. Which is funny considering I don't like to get it done because of needles. Yet I used to donate plasma twice a week and the needle for that is the size of a McDonalds straw. But I got PAID for that, people!! Too bad you can't be on "crazy" meds and donate plasma. That was $200 per month to lay there and read a book.

So, sitting down at "the Center" was like walking back into time. People were behind the glass for their safety. People were screaming because they were only 45 minutes late--"Whaddya mean I canna see ma ducker?!!" People were hiding in the waiting room behind cell phones, magazines and their cabbage patch dolls. It was good ole fun.

If anyone gets their check from the President Elect...let me know, I need it.

Pardon The Interruption...

I live in East Texas. I'm a girl. Or female. I have blonde hair. It is longish--and tho not my natural hair color--it USED to be, until I started popping out kids.

So...this is to tell you: I'm not really a sports fan. My ex was a HUGE Cowboys fan. I knew when they played. But that's about it. I ate a hamburger within "personal space" with Tom Landry back in 1989ish. But that's it. I went to EVERY basketball game that my High School played. Both Home and Away games. But only because my Uncle, who hung the moon and raised me, was a huge High School fan. That and the players were all cute.

But, *this* husband. He likes sports waaay more than he led on while dating. There is always a game on. Football. Basketball. or Sports related shows. Pardon The Interruption. On ESPN. Not so bad. The guys are funny. I try to watch. I do.

But the show is indeed interrupting. My love life. When your man comes home--and you are smelling good. Hair is beautiful as it gets, legs shaved smooth...and you're braless and wearing cute pj's AND there are NO CHILDREN in the house... NOT a good idea to plop down and turn on PTI. And don't suggest TiVo. We got it.

So, Tony from PTI...you aren't the foreplay I was looking for...tho you are FUNNY as all get out.

Dead, Naked Chickens...

I have a son who causes me more joy than one person should be allowed to enjoy. He is my most loving, sweet child...and yet he is my child who causes hairs to go kinky and gray.

Yesterday I made a grave error in planning and plotting my day. This became evident when I realized AFTER picking up the kids from school...I had to run by the store (eerie, horror movie music should be envisioned here). This is most certainly NOT a good idea. Not with my kids. After school. When they are tired, hungry and in need of SpongeBob!

I needed some chicken. I had everything at home I needed for dinner--but the chicken. After we enter the store and I throw one child into the buggy and screech that the others should "hold ONTO the buggy", some stoopid clerk gets on the loudspeaker "Attention Shoppers. Santa Claus has just entered the store! Come on by the Photography Lab and have your picture taken with Santa!" It was a conspiracy against me. We drove fast and furiously AWAY from the photo lab. With promises of M&M's when we leave.

Once we are at the meat counter, I'm checking out the boneless, skinless variety. The all breast area. I'm a "boob" girl myself. But Carson has wandered (yep, he took his hands off that buggy!!) down a little further. He's admiring the WHOLE chickens. And then he yells out for all to hear: "Momma!! You have GOT to come here!! These chickens are DEAD! AND NAKED!!"

I am most certain that the entire meat department went home and told this story. How do I know?? I left them laying on the floor, legs in the air...holding their sides, laughing their butts off. I hope they all had dead, naked chicken for dinner too.

PS: Carson ate Frosted Flakes...he doesn't like chicken, unless it's in 'nugget' form.

Morning Madness...

I am allergic to morning. I need a good 30-45 minutes to myself to convince myself "It's a beautiful morning..." That doesn't always happen. And people who hop out of bed smiling and laughing and talking? They are evil.

My children are allergic to morning also. They are grumpy. They find fault with breakfast. Even if it's their beloved pancakes. They hate the clothes I laid out for them. This one needs their clothes 'fresh and warm' from the dryer. This one needs "SpongeBob" underwear. This one ALWAYS wants a PINK shirt. That one has 'sock' issues. If the seam on the toes isn't juuuuuuust right--disaster. No one wants to brush their teeth. Or take their meds. Comb their hair.

But give us 30 minutes. We all come together. Our eyes clear. Or voices soften.

Until then? Leave me alone.

PS: That new guy that gave me his last name? He is allergic to morning too. But I think he needs medication. ;)

Confession Of A Murderess...

I'm pretty sure I'm a murderer. I'm almost certain of it. Today, the love of my life went to work really early, like he normally does. I got up at 7AM, got dressed and went to the grocery store--to buy food--being as we had NONE.

I hurried so I could beat *him* home--I knew he was coming back by the house for coffee and breakfast. I fed him well and sent him on his way. Then I snuck out of the house and away from my wifely chores to hang out with a girl friend all day.

I got home just in time to clean this, clean that, fold this and put that away. Then I remembered: I hadn't fed or watered the parrots today. Or uncovered them.

Yeah. Apparently they didn't appreciate my neglect. They are dead. And it's all my fault. I felt so sick to my stomach (still do). I covered them back up IMMEDIATELY. As soon as I saw them laying on the floor of their cage. And I don't want to be near them. *He* won't be here for another hour or so. I had to tell him over the phone. I don't like giving him bad news.

Yesterday we had such a good day. He was off. I was off (still jobless). We had no children to listen to, entertain... we concentrated on each other. And now...today.
I sure know how to ruin a mood huh? I feel a beer in my future--but I'm trapped in my bedroom--held hostage by the dead bodies of George and Mandy.

Hopefully they are screeching their heads off in parrot heaven. With toys to play with, Cheetos to nibble and a few sips of stolen wine. And I hope *he* doesn't hold me too responsible. It wasn't like it was premeditated. Tho, I did threaten Mandy with a nice BBQing a few times when she tied to bite me. I guess I won't be getting that orange kitten I asked for, for Christmas... sigh.