Friday, March 10, 2006

(*humming*)...I Am A Bad Girl...

I forgot to tell you that Dr Tinkerbell Hogan gave me a RX for....Darvocet. Did she not READ what meds I am on!!?? Did my Ancient, Father Time PCP not tell her I was a depressed, suicidal (well, not this week), anxiety ridden FREAK?! Obviously not. So, I took one last night. I don't know if I took it because I was in pain so much as because Claudia screamed at me (keep in mind she is 5, in Pre K, has ZERO bangs due to a mishap with a pair of Fiskar's...) "I hope you CHOKE on an apple peel!" All because I wouldn't make her a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. That will really make you feel loved and appreciated. After contemplating on spitting in her mashed potatoes (I did not) I popped a darvocet. Which may have helped--because about 30 minutes later I couldn't care less if she ate a dirt sandwich!

I might have slept good last night--but Caden is fighting another illness. He is so restless. Snotty. Boogery. His cheeks are red (he always gets an eczema flair up close to sicky times). But he also is courting 2 top teeth. They haven't decided to come all the way out...but the gums are so swollen and the skin is strained. He also has the SMELLIEST poop when he is sick/teething. omg. Why can't crap smell better? My life is so full of shit (literally) that it really would make my days better if it didn't smell so bad. Caden has pooped 3 times (I gagged 2 times), Carson pooped once (but enough for 3 grown men)--he was impressed with the size and color--I was impressed with the stench. I skipped lunch today because of it. Great diet aid.

Oh! And one of the dogs who will remain nameless (POPCORN) who doesn't like to get her toes wet with the morning dew has taken to crapping on the *Welcome* mat--now what sort of message are we sending there? Right between the 'W' and the 'e'. "Welcome to the House of Shit"? "Welcome, but leave your shit at the door?"
Good thing she is semi cute or I would feed her to the hawk that keeps flying over trying to decide if she is a rat or a roach.

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Gotta go do some chores that does NOT include poop. Laundry and Dishes. Two more things I could live without doing. And I always seem to have ALOT of that to do.

PS: "E", my ho haa, 'gina, twee twa, or vah-jay-jay is clean. #1. It is rarely used by anyone other than me (no. really. RARELY.) and #2 I don't sweat. I refuse to do anything that causes me to perspire. That's one of the reasons I have about %50 body fat. *I* don't weigh an ENORMOUS amount for my height (5'7", 150#) but ALL of me is cellulite and chicken fat. But my fat is clean. And my jello-knot is about the size of a boiled egg yolk, but not that round. More flatter and gelatinous. But thanks for the giggles--I would giggle too but it causes my vah-jay-jay to shake like a bowl full of jelly(O)! tee hee


Anonymous said...

Oh, girl, I love ya! Thanks for making my days bearable.


Anonymous said...

Oh, so it's not a pimple at all? Girl, you have cancer for sure then.

Anonymous said...

PS I'm totally going to steal your dog too, I think he's an acceptable match to my cats, you know how I love to color coordinate my pets.