Tuesday, July 05, 2005

And the "Bad Mother of the Year" Award goes to...

ME! Yes, I am soooo over qualified for this award too. Yesterday Claudia screamed at me (three times, too) "I don't love you and I never will again!" and I stooped so low as to finally (after hearing it THREE times...) say: "Well GOOD! Because I don't love you either!" Now, I ask you, how retarded/stupid/immature was THAT!? Pretty darn award winning don't ya think!?

Then...To seal that envelope up tight (with MY name in it)...I said to Carson "If you don't get out of here I will BASH you head in with this remote!" yep. I said that. Those words flew out of my Satanic Mouth faster than you slip in chicken shit with flip flops on...I don't lie. Then, after sitting in the recliner, holding the 10 week old baby, who can't take a nap because his older siblings are hitting/spitting/scratching each other/themselves and the Momma...Who is going crazy at 75MPH...I cracked. Like a bad Easter Egg. I started planning my demise. I had to kill myself. My kids didn't deserve me as a mother. Surely someone else, anyone else, can do a better job? But before I kill myself I need to clean my house up--I don't want my 70-something year old Grandmother to have to clean up MY messy house during all the funeral planning. And I need to make sure I write Calie's next Orthodontist appointment on the calendar...OMG! We forgot to pay the Orthodontist this month!!! So I call MP at work. and I crack on the phone with him. He advises me (right on target this time) to LEAVE the HOUSE and 3 kids (the oldest ones) at home and get out of there!! So I do. I go to town and pay the Orthodontist (slipped a check under the door--they were closed)...and cruise around T*arget for an hour. Eat nasty chicken strips at Jack in the Crack...Then head back to the prison cell...er, I mean, home. I returned with new resolve to actually *take* the Z*oloft in the cabinet--it doesn't work if you don't take it, ya know?

Today you may be disappointed (and want to take away my Award) to find me calm. No screaming (yet)...But it IS only 11:27AM. And no physical abuse either! And my suicide plans have been put on hold. Today it is too nice to kill myself--and it may RAIN!! yehaw!

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