And We Were Dancing In The Street...

Last night, one of the most romantic moments of my life...

I was following Mr X home from basketball. We were on a dark, deserted blacktop road. He stopped at the stop sign. I stopped behind him. He got out of his truck and walked back to my car. I rolled down my window. He opened my door, reached into my car and undid my seat belt. Held out his hand. I took it and got out of the car.

His truck door was opened, music playing. A slow song. He took me in his arms and we danced, not saying a word. When the song was over he whispered he loved me. I whispered back. He put me back in my car. Fastened my seat belt. And walked back to his truck.

As he drove away, towards home, I thought: "THIS is why I *love* this man!"

Adult Friend Finder...

Have you ever used an internet site to look for dates or mates? I met someone on a dating site (won't tell you which one...but we are a MATCH!!).

I know a friend who is even MORE computer illeteriate than *I*, and she stumbled across Adult Friend Finder--but it was under another name. Um...Cupid.com? Yeah, I think that's it. She signed up and put her picture on there. A sweet face shot. Fully clothed (I saw it, I know). And, within 2 days she had over 100 emails from tons of naked perverts. I'm talking FULL FRONTAL. I've never seen more pee-pees in my life!!

At first it was funny. She would call and say "OMG, you will not believe what I am looking at" Then she'd forward it to me and I'd peek between my fingers, hand shielding my eyes in case it went off. Some were impressive. Some were downright saaaaaaaaad. I mean, WHO told them that was a good looking pee pee? They should be shot. Or educated. I mean, I know that men have a screwed up sense of size. I KNOW! But, geeeeeezzzzz....

After the funnies weren't so funny, it just got sad. There are alot of horny people in this world. And I dont mean a few states over from you, or even a few towns over. There are HORNY people in your town. You park by them. Shop next to them. Bank with them. They lay your carpet, change your oil, fix your hair and bathe your dog. That is sad. That people are so lacking SOMEWHERE in their lives that they advertise for sex on a website like AFF. And they take off their clothes. In more ways than that, they are naked and vunerable...all for a piece of ass. Or for a feeling that they are special. They are wonderful. They matter.

Wow. I'm just amazed.

Does This Make Me Look Fat...?

Yesterday was the FINAL day for my divorce. I tried on at least 10 outfits before settling on one that made me feel strong and sexy. As I was getting ready to walk out the door CB (the ex) called me on my cell phone. "Have you left yet?" I told him I was about to head out. "I need to ask you something..." Oh god. what? "Should I wear a tie?"

I almost died laughing. I looked right at Mr X and said "CB! You're not getting married...you're getting divorced. No, you don't need to wear a tie!" After I hung up Sweets and I had a good laugh over it. On the day we are divorcing--he's calling me to ask me what he should wear to court. Bless his heart. He needs to hurry and get remarried--he may not make it if he doesn't!

Georgie Porgie, Puddin' & Pie...

Mr X has a bird named George. And although we aren't sure of George's sex, we want to introduce George to Mandy. We had the blind date all set up for last night. Sweets got here about dusk. And promptly let George out of his truck--and George flew to the highest tree in my yard--where he stayed ALL NIGHT LONG. No amount of coaxing with food, Mandy or rocks could get him down.

This morning Mr X and I went to church, after trying to get George back down...no luck. After church we found him in another tree across the highway. Stupid bird. He wanted to come to us soooo bad. You could tell. But he was both tired and scared. Birds don't like to go "down"...they like to go "up".

Mr X had to climb an oak tree. Like a monkey!! Once George could see Mr X he went to him. Got on his shoulder. But it's hard to climb DOWN a tree with a bird on your shoulder. Mr X had to take his shirt off while still in the tree and wrap George up and hand him to me so he could get down.

Now George is in his cage, which we placed right next to Mandy's. George is sleepy--probably stayed up all night keeping an eye out for owls. Mandy keeps swinging her swing and looking at him, as if to say "Look at my pretty swing you stupid boy-bird". I haven't really seen sparks fly yet--but George, who usually is VERY loud, is quiet. Maybe he's bashful and shy? George is waaaaay more colorful and prettier. He has a beautiful yellow head, orange/red breast, Green and blue wings. Looks like a rainbow bird. I'm so glad we got him back. He's not allowed out of his cage again until he gets his wings clipped. Stupid bird-boy!

Can You Wear Red Satin To An Episcopal Church?...

I have to go to church tomorrow. Ok, I should have said "I have to go to a church OTHER than MINE on Sunday".

I work for a private school. It is faith based and is run by a Board from the Episcopal Church here in town. I am excited about learning about religion and differences they have to mine. I'm a Baptist. Now, before you condemn me to hell for drinking, cussing and dancing--you should know that in East Texas ALL Baptists are hypocrites. We cuss and dance at the local pub--while drinking. But on Sunday we pray hard too. You've seen Footloose, right? Dancing is ok. Jesus turned water into WINE. Probably because they didn't have filtering devices for crummy water, but still. He didn't turn it into apple juice. As for cussing, well, there is PROFANITY and there is slang. I only sling slang.

Today we had a meeting with a few members of the Board. And with the Bishop Warden. Is that like a jailer for all the Bishop's who misbehave? I'm not sure either. But he was nice. Anyway, tomorrow is a Blessing Of The Staff. I told my girls (aides) that they could come get blessed...or get a curse put on them, take your pick. We are STRONGLY (read TOLD) asked to attend church there. I'm going and taking my boyfriend. Hopefully he can help me make heads or tails out of it all. I understand there is alot of standing, sitting, and kneeling. And alot of "Christ be with you." and "Also with you"s. I can handle all that.

But, what to wear? I mean, I'm going to be standing in front of the church (along with all my co-workers) in front of the entire congregation. Getting blessed. Introduced. I wanna make a good impression. So, I bought a red, shiny satin-like shirt to wear. With a black skirt. But, is satin appropriate?

This reminds me of when my oldest was reading "Black Beauty" books. She was a horse crazed child. Most girls are at some point in time. Especially here in Redneckville. She was reading a story where the horse was named was Satin. But, she refused to pronounce it that way (she was maybe 10). She pronounced it "Satan". No matter how many times I corrected her..she wanted that horse to be named to be Satan.

Ok, that's it, I'm wearing the shirt. With my pretty new matching panties and bra... Slick at http://slicksumbich.com/ told me that guys dig matching panties and bras.

So, will I appear in satin? Or appear Satan-like?

PS: Mandy refused to eat grapes or crackers. But she flew onto my head and it took an act of congress (by MYSELF) to get her out of my hair. That was 5 scary ass minutes, let me tell you...

Oh, Mandy. You Came And You Gave Without Taking...

Oh, my. Mr X brought me home a gift last night. I didn't even know I wanted this until he called and whispered in my ear...asking me if it was something I might be interested in. Her name is Mandy.

Her name WAS Wimpy. Yes, Wimpy. Until we tried to hand her a cracker and she took it from us...and threw it on the bottom of her cage.

Mr X has a Janday Conure (a type of parrot). His name is George Or GeorgiA--we aren't *sure* of his sex--conures don't really have it hanging out to see. Mandy is a Nanday Conure. She is 15 years old--middle age for a Nanday Conure. George is 3 or so. George can say "grace". Yeah, so Sweets says "George, say grace". And he does. Grace. Grace. Grace.

Mandy can say "Goodnight, Wimpy". And a bunch of stuff that we can't figure out. I know that Mandy is a girl--because she laid an egg once. Or so her former owner told Sweets. So Sweets is convinced that "George" (now I cant help but question George's sexual orientation as well as what sex HE/SHE is...) has a girlfriend. We already learned online that our birds DO often mate outside their breed. So, he's gonna buy a small cage tonight and bring George over to my house and put him near Mandy--see if sparks fly. Or feathers.

So romantic. haha. Hopefully Mandy and George fall in love like Sweets and I did...fast and furious. Mandy has a scary looking beak. Hope George isn't intimidated.

PS: Claudia (my 7 yr old) has wanted a bird since she could breathe. When she comes over to my house on Sunday she will be surprised and thrilled!!! I am almost as excited about *that* as I am that I have Mandy here.

Along Came A Spider...

I totally stole this video from Shonda's Blog (The Cowboy Chronicles, on my blog list).


I Fing HATE spiders... So, haha Spider!

Oh, The Shame Of It All...

I am ashamed of a few things in my life. Tho, I try not to beat myself up too much anymore. At one time I was the QUEEN of Guilt. I was guilty of being a bad Mother, Wife, Friend, Sister, Daughter... you name it, I felt bad at it. All that guilt got me locked up in the nut house. Don't contain your shame! Spread it. Let me know what you are most ashamed of. Post anonymously. I won't tell anyone.

To make you feel better, I will give you my top 5 Shame's (trust me, there is a top 100 list somewhere):

1. Taking that DVD. Without permission. And then WATCHING it. OMG.

2. Feeling happy and glad when my kids go to their Dad's for a few days.

3. For "going off my meds" and letting Mr X see what a crazy person looks like.

4. For letting Calie think I'm a rotten person--and losing her trust and closeness.

5. For dating 2 guys at once. And taking longer than necessary to break up with the one who was sooooooo wrong for me. But sooooo right at the time (hee hee).

Trust me, as a person who had issues with being a "good" person anyway...these may seem tame to you, but to me they are MAJOR. I should probably be seeing a therapist as well as a Psychiatrist. Oh well, YOU can be my therapist!!

Is It OK To Invite Your Ex To The "DIVORCE" Party?...

I received some extremely exciting news today. August 26th is "Court Day". That's the day that a Judge says "Yep, you retards are divorced!"

The EX has been telling me for weeks now that "you don't have to go to the hearing, ya know. You don't have to show up..." Yeah, right, buddy. Number one...a gut feeling tells me that if I *don't* show up that the sky will split open and piss all over my life. Number two...What if the Judge says "this document is a piece of dog crap. Where's the Respondant? What?! She's not here? Then let her suffer with what these papers show!~"? Number three...I want to joyfully skip outta the courthouse...stand on the steps a la ROCKY freaking Balboa, with my hand held high. Take *that* mutha sucka!! hee hee

So, next Tuesday I will git my arse to court like a good lil Texan girl. I will swear before God and lazy Judge Dunn (he's best know in these here parts as the Judge to have if you are in no HURRY to get divorced--cause he's a lazy dude) that I's don't wanna be Martie Moore No More.

The only thing that could have made this BETTER than bread with Country Crock slathered all over it was if it had been scheduled for Friday August 29th. That, dear friends, is the day that I turn 40. Can you imagine a better birthday present!? I can't. I really can't. Except for a certain someone to...well, never mind that. All in good time.

So, I'm planning to have a big ole bash on Friday. To celebrate my d-i-v-o-r-c-e. And my birthday. Think it'll be OK to invite the EX? He will probably feel like celebrating too. I'm a crazy ass bitch that I am sure he's glad to be rid of. Feeling's mutual, Big Red Dog! I'm planning on a little ole get together at my trailer park home (I dont really live in a park, tho). Plenty of hot sauce, bean dip and queso (Velveeta and Rotel). Better bring your own booze. I'm not planning on sharing mine!! I plan on having the CD player going... Loud N Proud. Maybe I'll invite the Peeping Tom...? Maybe not.

I thought about having kids come too--but I plan on getting shitfaced. Not something the kiddies should be around. I tend to break out and start pole dancing after I get smashed. So, I gotta find a safe haven for my kids, since I have them EVERY weekend. Yes, EVERY weekend.

Maybe I'll have the EX keep them then. After all, I'm watching them for *him* tonight so he could go on a date--I picked them up at 5:30PM and he "needs" then to spend the night...either that's one loooooong date--or he's going to Vegas to get married...? Anyway, more power to him, no, REALLY, more *power* to him.

So, next week should be GRAND. I can't freaking wait!! Woooohoooo!

Wonder how long I'll be single? Anyone wanna guess? I think (no, I know. I looked it up already) you have to wait 30 days in Texas before you can marry again. At least. So. Hmmmm. We will see, won't we?

Happy Birthday Bill...

It was brought to my attention by Shonda of "The Cowboy Chronicles" (see her on my blog list), that today was Billy Boys birthday.

When he was President I wasn't too political, still ain't (ya like that don't ya? AIN'T?). But I do remember those times well. I remember the jokes ole Bill had to endure...hee hee

I just hope that Bill is celebrating with a cigar and a good blow job. Wish I was...

Our House, In The Middle Of Our Street...

I told you that Mr X is building a house, right? He started it awhile ago, as a project to just build and then turn around and sell. At the time it *was* his full time job. But then reality set in and he had to get a "real job". So then the house turned into a hobby--or project of sorts. Then... he met me.

He claims (and I'm not saying hes lying...but I find it hard to believe) that *I* made him feel like finishing it. It was originally only 3 bedrooms. Now he's framed the garage into 2 more bedrooms. So, a 5 bedroom house begs for a big family, huh? So, he decided to keep the house. It's almost all paid for. So the mortgage (plus insurance and taxes) will be under $500 per month. That's less than the rent I pay on this (oh, I hate to admit it) t-t-trailer I live in now.

I got off work tonight and went and bought marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers and headed to the house. I knew he was there working on his day off from "real work" and that he had his oldest daughter (shes 10) with him. After I helped him put up the last wall in the garage we went to his parents house and ate and had "microwave" smores (it was raining at the new house). We all sat at the kitchen table of his parents house and talked and laughed and had a good time. I can't wait to move into that house with him and his kids (part time) and my kids (part time). I can't wait until there are 9 people all sleeping under that roof.

The house is right next to the school--you can walk to it. See the football field lights from the front porch. But it's in the country. Lots of big trees in the yard. Birds chirping. Squirrels playing in the trees. Our church is about 10 minutes away. And the town is so freaking tiny that they share a school district with the NEXT teeny tiny town. Yet we are close to "Town" and all the amenities we need, you know, Wal Mart, Movie Gallery, Pizza Hut and even McDonalds.

His youngest daughter (8) told her grandmother "looks like I'll have a step sister who is ALSO my friend!"... that makes me happy. I know it will be hard. And trying. But I can honestly say, that at this point in my life, along with good strong medication and alcohol induced meditation... I can do this. I *want* to do this.

Feels like I'm about to get on a ride at Six Flaggs. I'm scared. Nervous. Anxious. And I CAN NOT WAIT!!!! Woooohooooo! But I won't forget to keep my arms inside the ride at all times.

A New Director... Lights, Camera, Action!..

Today, I had to work all day. But it was a continuing education seminar--so, although I didn't "work", I did sit with co-workers, talk shop and learn new things.

Our school is about to undergo many changes. Our current "Head of School" is leaving. So, we need a new Director. We need CPR performed on the monster I like to call "curriculum".

The chick who was in charge of teaching us today was major cool. She has alot of experience in running schools, managing schools and validating schools. And has a theological background too. She had so many good ideas and input for our school--and taught in a fun way. So, imagine my surprise and joy to find that she is in consideration for the new Director position! After the seminar/workshop was over she went with all the teachers and aides to their classrooms to look at their rooms and give ideas and constructive criticisms for each classroom. I was excited to show mine off.

I have already started getting our room ready. I will have 3 aides next year. Two of my aides will be with me on alternate days in the mornings and the other will be with me every afternoon. One had never been in the room before,it was exciting showing it off. Our room got good marks and the only changes we may make were "If you want to, you might try..." ideas from Ms. Genius-hope-she's-my-new-boss.

I haven't been this excited about work since I was asked to take over a crumbling department (and we kicked A$$). I'm excited about my room, my aides and my new (and old) kids!

Now, if only I could find a job I like AND get paid enough to cover my bills...then I'd have it made!!

Ok, Here's One That Begs You To Tell Me They Are Cute...

When I downloaded the 120 pictures from my camera, I came across this one. Taken Mother's Day Weekend of me and my brood. I actually even had Calie with me then!! The picture isn't the best. Mainly because Claudia is always PMSing...and she is only 7, so, she was in a bad mood. Carson isn't looking--he was having major ADHD issues. And, I may be smiling--but it's faked!

But here we are. Normal dysfunctional family.

Here Is That Nasty Picture I Promised...

Ok, so there is no picture here anymore.

Mr X (formerly went by: "SOMETHING ELSE") has decided that it isn't in his best interest to be affiliated with my blog--on account that I'm blogging about real life and that includes drinking, cursing and ocassionally...sex. Something he does NOTHING of... no sex. no drinking. no cursing. Promise. No really...

I Like My Love Spread On THICK...

So. I thought I'd do a little speading myself. I have a couple new links that I just added to my blog list. Don't let the names scare you off. These are the sort of people I would love to hang out with--and did once, back when I was on that mental ward at the "nut hut". Alas, now I only hang out with sane humans who try to bend and mold me into a sane human as well--but I'm not having it, peoples!~ I will continue the good fight.

I am home today from work, feeling ill. Got me a tummy virus. Or, rather it started in the tummy...worked its way downward, effen ya know what I mean. So, I'm laying in bed. Loopy from Gatorade and PhenAgrin ;) Reading my new bestest friends, who don't even know it yet.

Comments are like cookies. Too many make ya fat(headed). None leaves you feeling deprived. Choco chip is my favvvve!

I Am A Winner!!!....

Our weekend was a success! I've never had so much fun!! We both won more than we took. me at the slots and Mr X at the black jack tables It was alot of fun to hand him his room key. And tell him...well, never mind what I told him.

I think He got as big as a kick as I did. We had good fun and good food. We had a blast. I have pictures. Look for them soon....oh don't worry they are G rated.

Good times were had by all...

I do loooove this man...

Dear Ann Landers:...

What to do? What to do?

I found something. Something not meant for my eyes. Something from the past. All "out there" for all to see--in all it's naked glory. But left out in the present. If it was meant to be a "secret" it would have been hidden, right? If it's in the past...would it have been left out? Does that mean it's part of the present? If it REALLY was the past--why wasn't it destroyed?

I took it. I have it. I haven't looked at it yet. Part of me wants to. Part of me feels ill.

Do I just put it back? Act innocent and retarded? Or look at it. And then confront? Question? Do I have that right yet? Would I really EVER have that right? Do I want to?

If you are confused--join the club. I'm the President of Confused.

PS: Just ran spell check--and this is my 1st post with NO misspelled words! OMG, go figure.

Sunshine Saturday...

My stepdad has always called Saturdays "Sunshine Saturdays". Because, when you are a kid--Saturdays are where it's at! There's sleeping in til 7AM, cartoons and Fruit Loops. There's playing outside all day and eating PB&Js. Riding your bike down to Johnny Cartwrights house, cause his Mom has the best snacks...

It's thundering outside right now. But today is still a Sunshine Saturday to me. Today we leave to go on our trip. It's only a five hour drive--piece of cake. I am so excited about this trip. If it lives up to HALF the hype...it's gonna be gooood. I don't even CARE if I win any money. I just wanna sleep late. And eat some food that *I* didn't cook.

Plus, being with Mr X--alllll by myself. I mean, does it get any better? If I wake in the middle of the night and he is here (He only spends the night when the kids aren't here), I have the HARDEST time going back to sleep. I love to watch him sleep. He looks like the cutest little boy--with facial hair. I love to snuggle up to him. He's so warm. And when he isn't snoring--his breathing is the sweetest music.

Speaking of music. We have "weird" taste. Or rather "random" taste. Matchbox 20, The Fratellis, One Republic, Coldplay, Journey and last night--we spend about 30 minutes or more listening to...Whitney Houston and (gasp) BARRY MANILLOW on youtube. We sing in the shower "Purple Rain, Purple Rain...", we text each other song lyrics. We like old stuff. We LOVE 80's and we like current stuff. We like the new songs at church--and we giggle over the OLD songs we sing from the hymnals. Music is good. I'll pack my CD case for our trip, make sure it has some Prince, some Alicia Keyes and maybe some Disco tunes! hee hee.

I hope you are enjoying a Sunshine Saturday. Watch a cartoon (while you fold those clothes), eat a PB&J, wash your bike and call Johnny Cartwright--oh, wait, I think he's still in the pen. Anyways, have a good weekend folks. I am.

Can I TGIF 3 Hours Early?...

Tuesdays and Thursdays are my worst days at work. 14 children who are 3 years old is too much. Even for someone in their RIGHT mind.I even have an aide--but, ha, she's only 17 and is good for reading them a book but that's about it. I have said a certain phrase sooooo much in my classroom that I can start to say "What kind of family are we...?" and they shout/scream back at me: "WE ARE A SHARING FAMILY"!! Yet they refuse to share. They refuse to WALK in the classroom. They refuse to flush our toilet. They scratch, bite, hit, shove, kick and spit on each other all day. And then, every once in awhile--something good happens.

I was approached in WalMart the other day by a lovely woman. She was maybe 30-something. "Are you Ms. Martie?" I was afraid to answer. Ummmmm. Is it GOOD to be her? Or baaaad? "Yes. Yes I am!" "My son goes to the school...he talks about you ALL the time. Ms. Martie this, Ms. Martie that. He tells us all the time that you are soooooo pretty! I hope you continue in the three year old class--he moves up to the 3's in the Fall." OMG. I've interacted with this particular child maybe 4 times. He's cute as a bug. THIS is how I GET paid. The measly check I deposit is laughable. But the love--when you get it--is priceless. But Tuesdays and Thursdays still suck.

This weekend I get to go away on a short trip with my boyfriend. I literally can NOT wait. I look forward to the drive. I look forward to sleeping in a hotel--with dark drapes and coooooold air conditioning. Breakfast bars and buffet dinners. Blackjack watching and slot machine sounds. Sleeping late. Just being around him with NO PLANS.

So, excuse me if I start to celebrate the weekend a little early. I SO deserve this--and even if I don't deserve it--I am gonna have a BLAST!!

Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus...

My rent is paid. My water is paid. I have all the necessary medications to keep me sane. I have wine, vodka and beer in the house (although is sounds like alot of alcohol--it's really not... I promise). I have chicken roasting, potatoes boiling and beans simmering. I feel so happy at the moment. Except Gladiators is on my TV (wtf?).

I feel so happy. Oh, so happy. Mr X is taking me to (Hillbilly-ville) Mississippi this weekend for a much needed "vacation". We are headed to Vicksburg to gamble all the money we don't have.

I found out that the final Decree of Divorce is ready to sign. OMG. Really? It's really about to happen. Yahooooo. I am so happy!!!! I am. I am, I really, really am. I know that Mr X (oh, crap! I typed his real name there...) will ask me soooon as I'm officially divorced. Ask me what, you say? Ask me to pass the green beans, of course.

Today, Mr X said "Did you tell them that your husband just..." and I almost died. It was the sexiest thing he's ever said. Referring to himself as my husband. In his mind and heart he already is... and that is damn sexy. Because in my mind, heart and soul he already is too.

Yep. Yep. Yep. It's official. I'm in the 7th grade. Will you tell him I think he's hot. Tell him I like him. And I wanna "go out" with him...

Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned...

Church was great today. I took my 3 (Calie has a job now...she was going to go with us but had to work). Sweets took his 4. So we had 7 kids with us. Caden went to the nursery and the other six went to Children's church.

Mr X and I were sitting in our regular spot, near the back (next to last row) when Mr X said "Oh no! My parents are here!". They went to Sunday school at their church but thought they would visit ours for Big Church. They sat right behind us. I hope they liked the church/pastor. I think it would be cool if they started going to our church.

I really like the Pastor. He's young enough to be up and well versed...but old enough to know what he's doing. After church was over I went to get Caden from the nursery. And found out he had bit someone. HARD. Drew blood. ON HER STOMACH!! I thought "Geez. I don't want us to get kicked out of CHURCH!" I waited til we got to Sweets parents to "spare the rod, spoil the child". He wasn't spoiled at all. He has been biting lately. He even bit Mr X on the shoulder today. And bit Mr X oldest daughter on the finger--very hard. I threatened to pull his teeth out. He wasn't impressed.

After we all changed clothes we took all 7 to a nearby "Trades Day". We walked around looking at all the wares. I took Cokes and Green Tea in my backpack so we wouldn't have to pay an arm and a leg for drinks there. And we took the kids to McDonalds before hand. It was very hot. HOT-hot. Like 100* with HIGH humidity. Claudia's face was so red. Bless her heart.

BD (the ex) asked me if I could take the kids for a few extra day this next week. He even said "I'll pay ya" OMG! Of course I threatened to choke him if he ever said that to me again! I knew this would happen. He wanted it in the divorce papers that HE is Primary Custodian--but I knew he wouldn't be able to do the job like he thought he wanted to. I don't care. I get to see my kids more. Even though they HATE daycare. Plus, I have my medicine now. And Mr X and I are going out of town next weekend. On a much needed "mini vacation". Just us. No kids. No jobs. We could sleep late!! We haven't slept late or spent the DAY with each other--EVER. I'm looking SO forward to it. Watch this next week crawl by.

After we left Trades Day, I was following Mr X and he drove to the house we are building. I was surprised, because he had said we were going to his parents. When e pulled in the driveway, he jumped out of his car and said "I just wanted to see what it would feel like to take all the kids HOME." Mmmmmm. I love this man.

I Love Me Some August 2008...

THIS is gonna be a great month. How do I know? Well, for starters, today is the first. The first is a Friday. It is payday. My check had more $$ on it than I had anticipated. And I received 11 hours of OVERTIME pay (that I didn't actually WORK)...gonna consider it a bonus and a brain fart on the book-keepers part. Hee hee.

I also paid my water bill. Yay...we get to bathe for at least one more month!! AND I bought food--good food and by "good food" I mean it isn't cereal or beans. I also was able to purchase one more month worth of sanity. But, that was after I kissed 14 old men and fondled one man going through a mid life crisis. I would like to thank Wyeth for making it (im)possible for the insane to afford the meds so that they are able to live til August 2008. You all suck donkey balls. One without that nice Effexor XR coating.

Later this lovely month, *I* have a birthday. Not just ANY ole birthday, either. It's a doozie. The BIG four-OH. Oh yeah, baby! I will be officially ancient. And I can't WAIT. I'm gonna have a party. You can come. It's BYOB, bring your own boyfriend, cause mines taken! I feel like, that when a woman reaches forty, in this day and age... she is entitled to be a large bitch. That doesn't necessarily mean that she is MEAN. Just IN CHARGE. And she doesn't have to apologize for it. She can smiiiile and enjoy her bitchiness. Bask in the glow of it, even. A woman in her forties is also entitled to grab Life by the ears, lean in close to it's face, start on the chin and sl-ow-ly lick Mr. Life from chin to forehead. She could literally eat Life UP. And go back for a second helping without her husband or significant other reminding her of the gluttony she is partaking. And I think a woman in her forties should get a discount at Victoria's Secret. The standard 10% wouldn't be enough either...Because some serious cash could be dropped on a whole new pantie wardrobe. The last thing the 40 year old women of today should be doing is letting the term "GRANNY PANTIES" live for one more generation.

This month I also get the best present ever. My divorce will be final. SOON. Like...before my birthday, soon. I am not so much celebrating the end of the marriage, because really, I hold no ill will in my heart towards that "dude" I was married to for 19 years. I will be celebrating the beginning of a life, in which *I* will be important, wanted, needed, loved and cherished. And the best part of that is that I KNOW I will be important, wanted, needed, loved and cherished. I am still getting used to being at the top of someones list. It's surreal. I hope I never get used to it. It's like a new present every day, finding out that he still LOVES *me*!!

So, see. August 2008 is packed with chocolate cake, dipped in almond bark and sprinkled with rainbow colored jimmies. And I'm having me a HUGE slice of it!! Want some? Bring some milk.

Ok, That Sooooooooo Didn't Happen...

(UPDATE: "That last post" was deleted. Was posted due to mental stupidity...more than usual)

That last post was typed under the influence of something I shouldn't have been self medicating with. But, in case you are wondering...it wasn't an ILLEGAL substance.

And I am pretty sure that I didn't "pay" anyone with any "favors" for the yard being mowed. But to be honest--I'd have to ask him, seeing as how I'm unsure how the entire evening went. I DO remember (partially) eating dinner, crying, taking a bath and being read a few chapters of the Bible (was he trying to save me?). Maybe I was baptised?

Anyway... I do have a refill waiting on me, of the doctor prescribed meds. Maybe after a few days I will get my sanity, memory and life back. But it will all be OK. I'm pretty sure of it.

PS: No alcohol or cigs. Not only am I OUT... I'm quitting. These things can't be good for me. Right?

Normal Jealousy? Or Mood Disorder Glitz...

Went to church with Sweets this morning. There was a guest speaker. He was all of 22. And boring as all get out. I know why some fall asleep in church now. After church we went to Sweets parents house (our usual hang out on Sundays).

Sweets got a call from his kids not long after we got there. Reminding him that he promised to go with them to the local waterpark today. "Them" includes the ex wife. Hmmmmmm....

They are going in seperate cars...but still. Four kids and two parents. Sounds like a family outing to me. I can't help but have a bad taste in my mouth. Especially since I overheard Sweets Dad tell him "You know she is holding out hope that you two will get back together."

Ohhhhh, that makes me feel soooooooo much better. Not. So, now I feel like I'm in competition with her for his affections. Well, part of me does. The rational part of me says "Whatever! I know. You know, He knows...it is sooooooo over." But I also know someone who just went back to an abusive (mentally, emotionally and I suspect physically) spouse. All for the kids.

Story of my life. And now Caden has pooped and took off his diaper and is sitting in the kitchen floor. Great!

Mama Said There Would Be Days Like This...

Most people celebrate Fridays. TGIF and all that hooha. Normally Fridays ARE great. But Fridays are not so good to me. Fridays mean that my kids have to go to daycare alllll day. From 8am until 530PM. Thats a long time for them. They don't like it. It's boring.




Carson has a habit of cursing and biting at daycare. Claudia gets emotional and cries usually. It makes me sad. Because I can't do anything about it. I wish I could. But I can't. Claudia wants me to tell you she is the sweetest girl in the entire world!!!! And she is. But she gets sad there sometimes. Life is hard for these kids recently. Carson's joy comes from video games and Claudia's comes from Webkinz. Geez Louise, I just spelled it wrong and she corrected me. Smarty pants! LOL

Caden barely tolerates daycare--but that's because *I* am his teacher. So he has me all day. Except at nap time--that's when I leave for an hour and a half to go home to nap--see Sweets or run errands (ie tan, grocery shop, pay bills...).

Today alot of my kiddos/students were grumpelstilkiens. Fridays are crappy for them too. They know that the weekends mean change. Some go from Dad's house to Mom's or vice versa. Some get to stay up late/sleep late. Some have Birthday parties and practice of *some* sort. Some see Daddy (he's been working all week). They know that something is "a foot". Different. Out of the ordinary.

So all of us were "off". Because--even tho I saw Sweets at lunch (a QUICK lunch), I won't see him again until Sunday at church. These are the days that make me sad. I miss having him with me. I miss talking to him--even just seeing him on the couch while I unload the dishwasher. Am I a sicko or what?! I mean, geez. Am I in the 7th grade OR WHAT!?

The only bright spot in my Fridays is that I have my kids. And Fridays and Saturdays are "sleepover" nights. We pull the couch bed out and we watch TV/movies until they fall asleep. We eat popcorn. Drink Coke and laugh about everything and nothing. THESE are good times. I love my kids. I do. I do. I do.

Ain't That Always The Way?...

Ever give yourself completely to someone and then get crapped on? Ever feel like someone is your bestest friend in the entire world? Like there is no one else you can 100% trust, tell secrets to...open your very soul and being to and then that same person treats your trust and openness like dog sh*t on their shoe?

I have. And I never-never-never will again. Ever.

I hate feeling vunerable. I hate depending on someone to trust. To entrust people with your heart and soul is dangerous. People who seem trustworthy...aren't. Because the very moment you think you are safe--you aren't. That person will turn on you in a very heart beat. Even quicker. And smile or laugh their lying ass off while doing it--if they can gain something from it. Even if their gain is worth $.02

Why? You ask why? This is my answer: Hell if I know.

I have no best friend. Do I need one? Nooooooope.

I have Mr X--or do I? He's the closest thing I have to a best friend. But I find it hard to trust even him 100%. I am convinced that time is never on my side--that eventually he will wake up or realized that no only am I one craaaazy chick--but that I am unworthy. Part of me wants to do circus tricks and make him fall soooo in love with me that nothing I do or say or DON'T do will sway his love for me. But...thats my "happily ever after" fairy tale side talking. And we all know there is no such thing. Another part of me wants to push him away before he has the chance to do that to me...but I can't.

What is wrong with me? I hope I'm about to start my period--isn't that what every MAN says to their woman when she acts retarded? Surely there is a reasonable explanation for my stupidity--oh! wait. Maybe it's my Bipolar talking. Darn Bipolar. I almost forgot I really am CRAZY. It's just not fair. But, as my Mother used to say..."When you were born the doctor whacked you on the ass and said 'Life will never be fair'." Gee, Thanks Mother.

I Just Love Mushy, Romantic Crap, Don't You?...

My boyfriend has a way with words. Both spoken and written. I'll never be published--nor do I care a tiddly wink, but he is...

And he's well read. He can, not only quote chapters from the Bible...he can quote poems. A few nights ago he brought over a book of Shakespeare's sonnets. He told me he had one picked out to read to me. But before he could read it to me, he "blogged" it to me. Now, if you read it and you start to gag-- just know that what makes YOU gag...makes me, well...just know it made me verrrry happy.

(edited: Took away the link to his post to protect his reputation--which would be ruined by dating me)

Burritos For Breakfast...

For some reason I am unable to eat sweet foods for breakfast anymore. Makes me feel so sick. And it makes me sad. I love doughnuts. Life cereal. Cereal bars.

This morning, about 10AM, Mr X came by and fixed coffee. I can't/haven't figured out his coffee contraption yet. All I know is he puts beans and water in there--and we have coffee 5 minutes later. Anyway, I hadn't eaten breakfast so I fixed myself a burrito and BEANS! After I added homemade hot sauce to both--I gobbled it down. It was delish! I may be eating that breakfast again soon. But not tomorrow. Going to church with Mr X. We went last weekend (just Mr X, Me and MY 3 kids)--but I bet we REALLY land on the prayer list when we show up with all the kids. All 11 and under. So, burritos and beans...and church... probably not a good idea.

Carson is having a really hard time lately. Bad dreams. Night terrors. Spitting. Cursing (mainly at his sister--or his daycare teacher). And he tried to bite the Director of the daycare/school AND his teacher yesterday. CB took him off his meds to see if it made a difference. It didn't. He acts just a bad ON it as he does OFF it. I think he needs to go to a therapist. AND make adjustments to his meds. He has anger issues. Definitely Oppositional Defiant! If he hasn't "bonded" with you and you try to grab his arm...or get in his face...it will not be pretty.

I'm unsure if its the divorce...or his meds. Or what. But...school starts back up next month...this needs to be under control ASAP. CB told me he was making him an appointment with a "play" therapist. Carson isn't one' to talk to doctors--he still doesn't talk to his Psychiatrist. Of course, Carson IS only 6.

Mr X can sometimes get him under control...and I know CB can. But his poor choices (Carson's) are making an impression on Caden--and even Claudia is more violent and verbally abusive than usual. Sigh. Can't we all just get along??

Caden got into fingernail polish this morning. Painted his nails, a wall in my room, my mattress pad and the carpet a little. This is very aggravating. He turned a laundry basket over and climbed on it to reach the bathroom counter...climbed up THERE to reach the polish on top of an armoire that I have in my bathroom. Any ideas how to get it off the wall? RED POLISH. Magic Eraser isn't cutting it. Neither is polish remover. Any wonder I'm 3/4 insane?

Send help. A St Bernard with liquor would be helpful--but wait til the kids leave Sunday night--no alcohol before then!!

54 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall...

I've never been a beer drinker. Always thought the nasty taste of beer would HAVE to compare to the taste the sweat off a hogs balls would taste like (never tasted that--but assumming its NASTY). But Mr X IS a beer drinker--*Maybe* one per night. No more than 6 per week (his way of saying he has 6 pack abs LMAO). Mr X is a beer snob. He only drinks micro brewery beer. No Bud Lite for him, Oh no. Right now, his favorites are Shiner 99 and Samuel Adams Summer Ale.

Mr X went to the beer store for us...and for his Dad. And picked up a few 6 packs. I will never let him go alone again. LOL. He came back with NINE six packs. We have enough beer for 2 months!! I tried a cream stout from Shiner. DARK beer. Black, even. It tasted like burnt chocolate. With half a cup of coffee thrown in for good measure.

I'm not saying it tasted BAD, per se. But it waaaaasssss different. An interesting taste. One I might try again. This will not be my favorite tho. The Summer Ale is my favorite so far. Of course, I drank it after doing clean up at the construction site of our new home. So I was HOT, TIRED and THIRSTY. And we all know that ANY beer taste A-OK then!!

Mr X ays the house WILL be finished by the end of October. It's slow going when you are building it yourself, work 60 hours per week and have a love affair with basketball. I love to watch him play basketball. I love to talk smack to him while he's playing too. He get a kick outta hearing me tease him when the guys he's SUPPOSED to be guarding gets a shot off.

He has to frame the garage into 2 more bedrooms. Then we can start on sheetrock. And the bricklayers can comme--the outside JUST needs brick and IT'S done!! Then the work on the inside starts. I'm getting excited. So are his oldest 2 kids. His oldest turns 12 in two months. And already plans on moving in with us (we won't move in until we are married--no shacking up here, folks). So, these are exciting times.

Broke As A Joke...

You know how to tell Wal Mart to "f*ck you"? Go broke. Then you can't even afford to walk in there. I toasted stale bread for breakfast. Skipped lunch. Grilling freezer burned chicken for dinner.

Good thing the kids are at their Dad's.

And good thing that Mr X likes chips and hot sauce...

Happy 7th of July!!

I just spent my July 4th weekend cruising the beach. Wearing a semi-bikini. It IS a 2 piece--but my "kangaroo pooch" was covered. Which is more than I can say for some beached whales I saw on the beaches of Galveston.

Me and the 3 smallest went to see my parents (who live in Galveston).

I spent the bulk of my weekend talking to my ex and his girlfriend--trying to get them back together. OH! Did I tell you she is my ex best friend? Anyways, I know she makes CB happy--and my kids love her--and her semi-ex is an asssssshole. So, even tho this is a huge Jerry Springer episode--what can I say!?

I missed Mr X ALOT. He missed me. I see him later tonight--and I cant wait.

I think CB and I came to an agreement for the divorce. It isnt the BEST. But...it keeps us out of court--and the kids out of court. I really dont want to say too much, especially since he has the address to this blog (hey CLIFF!!!!!).

I have a new cell phone number--if you only have my old one--dont call it...CB keeps track of every call I make on that one. Email me (uncontainedchaos@hotmail.com) and I'll give it to ya--if I know and trust ya!!! LOL

Tomorrow, its back to work. I have to go fix my lesson plan. Which really means...drag some stuff outta my butt, clean it off and make it sound educational, fun and artsy-fartsy!!

Have a good week, sports fans!!

Father's Day...

Today is Father's Day. Me and the kids bought CB a Tshirt at Wal Mart. I bought one for Mr X also...for his kids to give him. I remember at Mothers's Day... CB didn't have anything from then kids. I got things they made at school. He didn't help them at all. And that's OK. But still. You'd think, wouldn't ya, since I was married to him for 19 years...Oh! Never mind.

I went and saw Mr X yesterday. At his parent's house. His kids were there. And I had 3 of mine. They all played together well. Mr X and I sat in lawn chairs by the pond--in the shade, its hotter than you-know-what here now. My electric bill for May was $161. OMG! He's doing better--but still sick. He went to the hospital a few days ago--and he's STILL sick...oh well.

CB picks the kids up in 45 minutes. YAY!! I've about had enough. Really.

We went to see my parents today. They are in town because my Uncle's brother is about to die-he has cancer. And my cousin/brother and his wife and son are here too. It was nice to see them. Little T (that's what Claudia calls him) is soooo cute...he's almost 2. It was funny to hear him calling Claudia...he looooves Claudia. I wore as red shirt and the kids did too--I had Josh's wife take our picture at my grandma's house--it's pretty good...but Claudia's in a bad mood. Even CALIE went with us!!! She was going to spend the night last night but said her Dad would be mad. (??!!)

Mr X is supposed to come over later...but he still seemed sick yesterday. I called him today to say "Happy Father's Day" earlier and he said he was feeling better, but who knows. Haven't heard from him since. My "illness" makes my mind wonder if he's not tired of me already...but my "sane" mind tells me he's still sick. He's not funny when he's sick. At all. Depressing actually. I have to keep him healthy.

I tried to mow my yard earlier, but the stinking mower wont start...I have a neighbor/friend who borrowed my mower and it hasnt started right since then--he says its the throttle...but I'm mechanically handicapped. So, I'll ask CB to start it when he comes...so I can push mow 1 acre. Yahooooo. (not!)

Ok, so I'll confess....I'm not divorced yet. Not even filed. Moonpie was supposed to do it weeks ago. We have to "agree" on custody and everything else first. His conditions were CRAZY to me. He wants to pay my part of the equity in the house out at $50 bi weekly. I took NOTHING from the house. Except my clothes, a few clothes for the kids and MY TV (that Mimi bought me when I got out of the nut house). He wants the kids 3 days/nights per week---HIS days off. *I* get them EVERY weekend. He want to pay me $400 bi weekly in child support (he made $70,000 last year) and pay ALL their medical insurance, copays and RX. He wants "the NO SHACK UP cause"...Please. And he wants me to not be able to take the kids out of the school district they are now in.

My response was..."YOU dont get to tell ME who stays at MY house". "You need to get an appraisal of the house ASAP...and if/when you sell the house you pay my part IN FULL at closing". "You can pay me $100 bi weekly in the meantime since I took basically NOTHING from the home we had". So, instead of a civil divorce--I'll probably have to hire an attorney and stick it to him--could get ugly.

Oh. The best part?? He's dating my best friend (doesn't that make her my EX best friend??). More power to them. She's going through a divorce too. Not a pretty one either. Ah! Makes ya wonder....how long was this going on?? Who cares??

So...this has been a fabulous day. Hahaha. Not. I'm in a grand ole mood. Think I'll get drunk. Pass out--before Sweets starts snoring...

And So It Continues...

Guess who is STILL sick? Not me. Mr X. He's MAJOR ill. Had-to-go-to-the-hospital ill. Went to the doctors twice. Had 3 shots. 2 or 3 diff antibiotics. And he's STILL sick. Geez. I feel sooooo bad for him. And I can't DO anything. It makes me so sad. I know he feels awful. He's lost 10 lbs. I haven't seen him since Tuesday night. May not seem like much to you... but remember when you were first in love? You want to spend every minute you can with them... and when you can't--it physically HURTS? Yea. Like that.

He's at his Mom and Dads house. I hope they are taking good care of him. LOL Me and the kids may go out there tomorrow...check on him. His parents have a pond. Ducks. Chickens. Trampoline. Playhouse. Lots of beautiful yard to run around in... the kids loooove it out there.

Mr X is taking vacation next week. Gonna work on that house he's building. And probably get himself sick again working in this humid/heat. Wish I could take off and make him sandwiches and take him some tea to drink... Or just sit around and watch him work and listen to him joke around....and laugh.

I just want him well. I want my funny, happy Mr X back. To be honest, I even miss his snoring. Well....almost. My next big project is to get him to the doctor for his sleep apenea. I just got certified in CPR...and every night I think "I'm gonna have to do CPR on him!!" And you cant just poke them and they quit either. It's relentless. Whether he's on his back, stomach or side...OMG!!! It's awwwful. He's slept on the couch the last few times he's stayed over...and I had to shut my bedroom door to go to sleep, his snoring was SO loud.

So, any advice? I mean, other than ear plugs?

Sick As A Dog...

I've been so sick... So has Mr X. We both have been soooo sick. We both went to the doctor on Thursday. I had a sinus infection, lower respiratory infection and a UTI. Sweets has strep throat. OMG. We both are on antibiotics. And feel like crap.

I just took Mr X to his parents house. He'll recoup there until Monday. So, I'm sad. I won't see him until Monday. Doesn't seem like a long time to you--but it will feel like a lifetime to me.

I feel terrible--and he's not here. So now I feel worse.

And the kids are here... so I can't even REALLY feel bad... I have to be "on" all the time they are here. And all I feel like doing is getting drunk. and passing out. And laying in bed. And moaning in pain.

It's going to be a loooong weekend...

Meeting The Parents...

I've already met Mr. Xs parents. That was fun.

His Dad was very nice...I was expecting an ogre...based on Mr. X's description. But he was nice. He even hugged me when I left--wow! Mom's was nice too. We played pool and Monopoly with the kids. It really was fun. I think I may have passed the "mom and dad" test.

My parents are in town for a funeral right now. And tonight I'm taking Mr X over to met them. I KNOW he will pass the test. They are excited to meet him. I'm excited to show him off. I'm so proud of him. He's soooooo good. So good to me. Good to my kids... And eager to help me with them without stepping on toes or over stepping bounderies. He's so calm. But they WANT to please him and mind him--why cant they do that for me??

The kids went to CB's Sunday night, and I dont get them back until Thursday after work. I miss them. But 10 minutes after they get home they will be on each others nerves and mine. And I'll be praying it was Sunday night again.

So, I gotta go get ready to show my beau off. And he isnt feeling well--a cold or something. He ran fever all night--and hogged covers...so, I was up alot too. I hope we get to bed at a decent hour tonight. I need some rest. I'll let ya know how the "meeting" goes--tho I can see into the future and I know they will love him as much as I do...and that's aloooooot.

Saturday...

I have to work a few hours today to get my new classroom ready for the Summer Session at the school. I feel almost like crap. Like I got drunk and then "played" allllll night...oh! wait...I did! LOL Word to the wise: Don't do that. Don't.

The rest of my Saturday will be spent cleaning up around HERE...at home. I woke up to find that Carson and Caden got into Claudias nail polish. Carson painted his dresser blue, green and hot pink. Also, he painted his nipples yellow and his toes blue. Yay. Not.

Mr X has to work today. Every Saturday. Then he's coming over to free the mower. *I* mowed with the ride on mower for the first time Thursday. I'm told I did a crappy job. Or rather, that the MOWER did a piss poor job. And right now, the mower is "stuck" in my yard. And since it belongs to someone else...he needs to free it and get it back "home", where it belongs.

So, off I go to turn my room into an "Under the Sea" vision for 3 yr old eyes...hope I can do that without getting seasick.

Happy weekend all. Get some sleep...you need it.

Geez..., And Now Back To Your Regular Program...

Alot has happened. I left Moonpie. Moved into my own cardboard box... dated a little. And fell in love twice. Once was a disaster. The second one is...well, its wonderful.

So... Let me tell you a bit. UPDATE....

Calie is living w Dad. Or, we will now refer to him as Clifford the Big Red Dog...CB for short. He bought her a brand new car. So she got a new car and gets to stay away from her brothers and sister.

Claudia was accepted into Gifted and Talented. Go figure--shes a smart ass, what can I say!! LOL She loves so irritate, istigate and frusterate her brothers. And me on occasion.

Carson has lost 2 teeth in the last week. He is adorable. His ADHD is realtively unde control--enough so that his teacher has decided he can advance to first grade (EEEEKKKKKKK). He is still a hand full. But precious and precocious.

Caden, Oh Caden. Talking up a storm. Back talking...told me to "shut up" this morning. Has been bitting in day care. Mean as a snake. But a favorite with all the ladies. Has a nick name there: Flash. Because if a door is left open he will RUN...in a flash...

My new Beau. I'll call him....Mr. X...we play well together. I love him. I do. I do. I do.

Me...still crazy. Still on my meds. But happier than I've ever been--really, I can HONESTLY say that. Wow.

So, there's your update for now...more later.

I Am Still Living...

Alot has happened. Calie=worse teenage behaviour ever--don't say 'they all go thru it' or I will come thru the computer and kill you (only barely kidding). At least I am not going to be a gma (yet).

Carson was switched to Strattera for his ADHD. Doing better--but his teacher is already talking of holding him back next year. Sigh. For godsake, he is only in Kgarden!! He is very very smart--but behind socially and behaviourally. In other words, smart as a 5 year old but immature as a 3 year old. Example: CPS was called to our house (loooooong story) and while I was visiting with the representatives Carson was angry that I couldn't give him all my attention--so he peed in the toybox. Niiiice.

Claudia is becoming a angel/devil. Somedays she can be so hateful. She constantly slips notes under Calie's doore like "Calie is a cry baby" or "Calie is mean and fat" or "Calie is grounded. Love, Dad" Then she can be sweet and draw a card for every person she knows telling them how much she like them and how she wants them to come over for a tea party or for an ice cream party.

Caden is showing his assertiveness by throwing toys (usually AT people), biting and pulling the hair if his siblings then running off to hide. He can talk better now. Tho we went in to see the ear, Nose, Throat guy and his tubes were coming out and he had an ear infection on once ear. sigh. He calls me "ma" and Moonpie "d". Sometimes he feels like talking in an Italian accent and putting an "ah" sound on the end of some words. "Get up-Ah, Ma. Want Juice-Ah." "I go with D-Ah in his truck-Ah." "Leave me alone-Ah!" "Go Away-AH!!"

We now have 15 cats/kittens. Moonpie keeps saying he will get rid of some of them--but it's hard to tell him which ones I don't want. We now have one in the house--he is Claudia's cat. His name is "Dirty Boy". We also have Ink, Milo, Hissy, Her sister Pissy, Lilly Belle (had a looong time), Tiger, Baby Jane and her 3 babies (one drowned in the dogs huge water bucket) and a few that don't have names--cause they are hard to catch.

My Gma. My Gma discovered she had congested heart failure. She failed a stress test and then she went in and had a heart cath and had open heart surgery the very next day, on Halloween Day. Claudia turned 7 on Nov 1st--and my gma passed away on Nov 2nd and 1AM. At the visitation Claudia went with us as she was sooooo close to mawmaw. Claudia spent the whole time at the casket, smoothing away mawmaws hair from her forehead and holding her hand. She took her High School Musical necklace off and put in the casket with mawmaw.

It has been very hard for me. Mawmaw was always the first one I called if the kids did something funny or they were sick--. Now I can't do that. She made the best cornbread. She was a real homegrown cook. Made banana bread (Moonpies favorite). Was the Queen of "dollar store" shopping. I know Wal-Mart is missing her too. I can remember her stopping to pick a lone shoe up on the side of the road "in case we see the other one in a few miles". She would buy sized 42 pants on sale for $1.00 even if NO ONE wore that size--cause you never know when someone may wear that size! And it was "Only $1.00". She brought me a tooooon of food when Moonpie left me--later I discovered that 80% was past their expiration dates.

I now wear a ring of hers on my finger. And have a few more put away (her Mothers ring). Pieces I may never wear but pieces I love. I have a few of her plants and am determined to keep them alive--the Christmas cactus is starting to bloom...

Moonpie is home now. We both are in counseling--but not together (yet). My psychiatrist sent me a Dear John letter, she is moving to Ft Hood in Texas and is dropping all her patients here--so we have to find a new doctor. sigh.

This past weekend Caden, Carson and I have had the most dreadful virus. Won't go into much detail but I have to wash my sheets (AGAIN) and every blanket/sheet/pillowcase/towel in the house today. And spray everything with Lysol (again). And I feel so weak and tired. You wouldn't believe how long it has taken me to type this post.

My best friends husband just found out on Friday that he is bipolar too. I feel so sorry for her. And for him. I hope I am not as big an ass to Moonpie as her husband is to her.

Can't get into the Christmas Spirit...but I received my 1st Christmas card today--made me smile. Vicki, I love you, man!

Hope everyone is well.Estella, sorry bout your braces--cant seem to post comments on your blog ( www.myfuckingeye.com ). But Calie is having brace issues as well...our treatment was to last 31 months and we are past that. Can you say "out of pocket"? If only she had worn her bands like she was told...now it will be early Summer before they are off...brat.

Excuse typos (or kissmyass).

Helllloooooo!?

You thought I died---didn't you!? I didn't. I got satellite internet...had trouble getting blogger to recognize ME in my new clothes...see my new email? up there... see it now? Make note of it because the old aol one is, well, old!

Got lots to say. But can't today. Almost time to pick the rug rats up at school.

Hugs and love and pinches

I Might Have Been Born At Night, But Not LAST Night...

Calie and a friend of hers watched the kids so Moonpie and I could go out to eat last night. After we finished dinner Moonpie decided we would go get Calie a new TV (hers broke about 6 months ago). So we get home about 9PM. I play with the kids and lay on my bed watching cartoons with them while he hooks up the TV, DVD and DirectTV.

I went to sleep about 11PM. Moonpie came to bed about 2AM.

The girls had drill team practice at 10AM but did NOT want to go or get up--I forced them. I'm a mean bitch. Moonpie drove them to practice then came home to work on the DirectTV in her room--it wasn't working...and he found clues leading him to believe that they snuck out last night...snuck out the bathroom window, AFTER 2AM...

When will she learn? Maybe she won't. He took her cell phone away from her (OMG--she may diiiiiieeeee). They said they snuck out (and met a boy) and drove to a friends house and watched a movie... sigh. My therapist tells me that this is all "normal" teenage behaviour...I guess I want her to be abnormal like I was and NOT sneak out.

He Is Definatley A Boy...

Carson has Moderate (not) to Severe (yep) ADHD. He tets my patience, my sanity, my ability to hold off on homicide on a daily basis. Yet, I love him more than them all. I have to. Because everyone else has a deep roted fear or disqust of him.

Right now, behind my bed he has thrown a broken raw egg. A soda bottle that he *says* he peed in. And an orange from 2 months ago. My bed weighs 2 tons. I can't move it unless I take the whole thing apart. Not gonna happen. PS: nothing stinks (yet). He is really into spitting lately. I hope it's not a "tick" associated with Tourettes. But I can ask about it tomorrow at his psychiatrist appt. I haven't been consistent in giving him meds because he deerves a break this summer (I think). I do medicate him if we will be in public (ie Birthday party) or stuck inside alllll day. But I don;t know if it really makes enough of a difference. When he comes down off his meds he is very whiny and clingy. Like 'in your face' clingy. The whining will make your ears bleed. Or your ulcer.

The other night I was sitting on the couch with him watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turltles and he looked up at me and said "Mama, your hair looks better hanging down" (I had it clipped up). So I undid the clip and fluffed my hair and said "Like this?" And he said "yeah, now your hair is as poofy as the rest of you". I said "Huh? Where am I poofy?" Carson replied "Your legs, yor butt and your tummy". So matter of fact. Like he was still giving me a compliment. Just like the males in his species--can't give a compliment and in seem sincere. Boys!

PS: He kept leaning over During the moving and kissing my arm or hand (his "male" way of saying "I'm sorry?")!

Year 16, The Year Of The Devil...

Oh my. Calie is not normal. She radiates hate towards me and Moonpie. And her siblings. Last night I told her to come home (she was "hanging out" with friends). She told me they were watching a movie and she would come home at the end. I told her "no--come home NOW". Her reply? "Mother, stop being so stupid!" OMG. I wanted to strangle her. I told her to get her ass home before I called AT&T and disconnected her pphone service. She was home in 30 minutes.

She can't wait til she is 18. She thinks she will just move out and her life will be a big party. I ask her "How will you pay your bills?" She will work. "How will you go to school?" When I'm not working. "So that leaves *how* much time to party?" UGH. Lots of people do it Mom. Quit saying I can't do it.

She hates us so much she will leave and never come back. I will never see her unless she needs money. This is not what I envisioned. This is not how it is supposed to be.

I can't leave her with the kids for very long at all. They say she is "so mean" when I am gone. They hate to stay with her.

She has a therapy appointment comeing up in early August. I hope it helps her. I really do. I need a break.

Corn. I Will Never Serve Corn Again...

I have been changing diapers all day with corn in them. And it has been the most disqusting thing I have ever looked at or smelled in all the other kids I have produced. Especially when it is smeared on my bedroom window sill.

It is days like this that I look towards the sky, not so much towards heaven, but mainly just UP to get the kids out of my line of vision, and I moan--When? When will this shit end?!! People who are well meaning (my therapist, psychiatrist) say that in a few years things will be so much better when they grow up a little and need us less. HAHAHAHAHAHA. This makes me burp up a little vomit. They forget we have a 16 year old. When Claudia turns 16, Carson will be 15 and Caden 12. This shit won't end until I am OLD(er). Why...I'll be 49 and Cliff will be 54. I'll be in Rusk (Insane Aslumn)

Speaking of my Psychiatrist...I'm begginning to think she is a figment of my dilusions. I had an appointment with her in June. I showed up and their electricity was off--some transformer crap of an excuse. So I was rescheduled for July 30th. Today I got a note in the mail and it's been rescheduled to August 31st. I told the scheduler that didn't she understand that I am a crazy person and she is making my life harder not easier. She said if I needed more meds (which I do!) I could come to the clinic and talk to a nurse (ooooooooh Goooooody).

ok, gotta go. Fight over a blanket while watching Sharkboy and Lavagirl (omg.).

That's How I Roll...

Tonight I sit here in front of my new computer...that is just as slow as the one we bought when I was pg with Claudia (2000). But this week someone who shines, who glows with a light from within, who can brighten smiles and is responsible for spontaneous parties will come into my home and give me satellite internet!!!!! I will post with the speed of a NASCAR driver. I will surf the net til my fingers shrivel. I will be happy. Calie will be estatic.

Onto other news. Caden pooped in a potty yesterday. Twice. Peed on the floor 3 times. Peed in Diego! underwear 3 times. We were thrilled. HE was thrilled. Today he wore the potty on his head.

Calie is about to start therapy. Don't ask me why--cause I'm not sure. But she has told me things that made me wish she wasn't so "comfortable" talking to me. She asked me yesterday "Mom? How do you know when you are in love?" I wanted to say "Don't ask me--obviously I picked a loser!" (tee hee)

Moonpie and I are getting along great (still no sex). I almost feel like he is my friend (I dont think I ever thought of him as a friend before). I feel less like shooting the finger at the back of his head or cussing him out from the saftey of the laundry room (where he can't hear me). I still have urges to slap him upside the head--but I am able to control those urges.

Claudia is almost 16. Can you believe it? 16. what? she's only six?! Are you sure? I am beginning to wonder if Carson does NOT have ADHD--I think all his bad behaviour is because Claudia is constantly aggravating, frusterating and irritating him. She wants lipgloss on at all times. And bosses the entire family around. Wench.

Carson's T-ball team won 1st place in their league. Carson spent alot of time digging in the dirt or scratching his ummmm...leg, so I can't say that huge trophy was due to his catching skills or tagging abilities. BUT, he ALWAYS got on 1st base when he hit! He has a new hero. Spiderman. I bought him the outfit at Wal Mart and he has worn it for 4 days straight this time. It even has a mask!

We now have 7 cats (2 of who are currently pregnate AGAIN) and 7 kittens. FREE KITTENS! Get your FREE KITTENS here!!

Bipolar Thoughts...

My life really is a mess right now. Calie is sneaking out, lying...being 16. Carsons ADHD meds stopped working long enough for him to spray paint my washer and dryer black (in the middle of the night)...then a few days later he busted 30 eggs into his bed and carpet in the middle of the night. We started him on new meds yesterday--so far so good. I have been diagnosed as bipolar. I'm on enough meds that sound scary to start my own psychotic show (Lithium and Klonopin to name a few).

And Moonpie (AKA Asshole) left me on Monday because he "Couldn't support me in the way I needed". He also isn't attracted to me AT ALL--and there isn't even a "spark" there anymore. 12 hours later he changed his mind and begged me to let him stay-- I may be fucking crazy but I told him to get his crap and GO. It's gonna take ALOT to heal these wounds--they may never heal. But I will survive (With God and some gooooooood drugs). PS: He left all 4 kids, 6 dogs, 5 cats (and 4 kittens) and 1 fish with me. He went to his mothers (who has yet to call and check on her "daughter-in-law OR grandkids). Wednesday was his day off--he didn't come see the kids. He saw them last night.

I gotta go. I have no concept of time right now and I need to ice some cupcakes for school.

REAL Mental Illness Ain't Funny...

Thursday I went and saw a psychiatrist. The meds I've been on were not doing what I needed them to do. You know, keep me sane. Safe, My kids safe too. I was unsure about this new doctor, his waiting room looked like Christmas. The tree was still up. Holiday cards fixed to the walls....weird.

When he finally called me in he asked me questions. I talked a blue streak. My knees were jumping up and down like CRAZY. I couldn't stop them. (I tried-hard)

So now I am Bipolar I. On Lithium(300mg 2x). Klonnipin(1mg 3x per day) Effexor XR (150mg) and Trazadone 50mg. I am a druggie. And a lifetime of crazy--there is no cure for this. And I can pass it along to my kids.

I'm not happy.

Ripley's Believe It Or Not...

I know. It's been a long time. I have no excuse--rather, I have 1 million of them. If I told you everything you wouldn't believe me. Ha, you probably would! To save you (and me) time I'll be brief.

Calie. Turned 16. Grounded until the next lunar eclipse. Did you ever pull the ole 'I'm spending the night with "C"' but "C" tells her parents that she is spending the night with "D"? yeah. She spent the night at a 20 year old BOYS house with about 15 other kids. There was drinking and everything. Well, not 'everything'. But enough to ensure grounding until the next lunar eclipse. Plus she will have a "C"(!!!WTF?) in Geometry.

Claudia. Lost her first tooth. Got lice at school. Went to the Sweetheart Ball with her Daddy.

Carson. Got sent to the office at school (while in PreK!!). Told his teacher "blah, blah, blah-blah blah." When she asked him if he understood what she had just said to him. Missed 3 days of school due to fever--no idea what is wrong with him. Still ADHD (bad).

Caden. Has had 13 ear infections in 15 months. Is having tubes put in on the 28th of this month. Has moderate hearing loss. Has 15 teeth. A temper. And a poopy diaper. Hasn't slept well in 3 weeks now. Neither have I.

Moonpie. Had an episode of pvc's (skipped heart beats). Went to the ER. Where he had NONE. I had to throw the biggest fit to get him to go to the ER (it wasn't purdy). Where we then spent $600 for them to say "hmmmm... take this prescription to help regulate your heartbeat. Get a cardiologists just in case it ever happens again. Good luck."

Me. Yeast infection. Water aerobics. The FLU. Did you know there is a test for the flu? I didn't. They shove a q-tip up your nose til it is lodged into the frontal lobe of your brain. If the brain matter is green and infected then they say "You test positive for the flu!!" Vicodin. NyQuil. Tamiflu. and 4 days in a coma. And you still feel like crap. whoooeeee!

Today is Carson's 5th Birthday. But we aren't telling him. We are celebrating tomorrow (kids are out of school).

Missed you all....

Headway...

Remember that Moonpie went hunting? Well, he is due home later tonight--about 5PM. I have to say, I missed him...some. I looked forward to him calling me every night and telling the kids "No. No, Bubba...I didn't get a deer today. But I shot a HOG!" or "I saw alot of squirrels.", guess it's another empty handed year.

I did little to none housework while he was gone. I figured *I* needed a break too. Even IF I had to be here with the kids. We all piled up in the living room and slept on pallets (I did get those put up every day) both Friday night and Saturday night. I thought I would have a hard time getting them to sleep in their own beds Sunday night, but they did alright. Of course Carson ended up in bed with me after midnight--then peed in my bed.

So today has been clean it up day. Kids are in school. Only Caden here to distract me. I've cleaned the kitchen (swept and mopped too!)! The living room is cleanish and I even made my bed--with fresh clean non pee smelling sheets. The clothes are all put away and I even cleaned off the bar (Moonpie's pet peeve). My legs are freshly shaved and my hair is clean--all in preparation for his homecoming. Bet he doesn't even notice. He better!!

Moonpie lost his keys a few weeks ago. We looked everywhere for them. Well, obviously not *everywhere* since I found them today while cleaning out the kids closet. They were IN a pair of shoes...wonder who did that?! So, I know Moonpie will be thrilled when I tell him that. Seriously. No, seriously.

So, I guess I am feeling good. Right this minute I smell good and my house is cleanish. So, I am making headway into sanity. Part of my feeling good is this: A very dear friend (who I haven't talked to in a few weeks) called me on Saturday and asked how *I* was feeling and what meds I was on--because she is *very* depressed and was seeing a doctor that afternoon. I talked to her for 2 hours. She sounded pretty bad off. Thoughts of suicide. Tons of self blaming and loathing (Been there, done that). I felt good that I knew what to say--that I could advise her and counsel her. I gave her the number to my therapist and offered to keep her baby (6 months old) while she went to the docs. I felt bad that I didn't know what she was dealing with, since I hadn't talked to her--but I felt good after we got off the phone. She called me after her appt and sounded SO much better. She's on meds now. And I could hear relief in her voice that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

Now I just have to vacuum and dust and I am done for the day. I feel like "I'm King of the World!!!"

Jangle Bells...

The kids are getting excited about Christmas. We (*I*) put up the tree the Sunday after Thanksgiving. It's a tie between Caden and Carson on who gets in trouble the most for touching the tree. Carson is doing GREAT on his new dose of meds--his teacher actually called me twice in one week to tell me what a good job he is doing. She said it's "amazing" what a difference the increase has made. I've seen NO ugly side effects either! Goooooo Team! Carson asked for Santa to bring him a jingle bell--we saw The Polar Express and he wants a jingle bell from Santa's sleigh. I'll bet he gets one too!

Caden has added a few words or 'it sounds like a word' to his vocabulary. Plea (Please). CookE (cookie). Nanna (banana). Ha ha ha (Ho Ho Ho). The cold(er) weather here has caused his eczema to flare up BAD. His legs look like scratching posts. Poor baby. I had to buy a lock for the fridge cause he learned to open it and would bring me packages of wieners or the ketchup.

Claudia had Parents Day at dance. That's when you get to sit in on the class that you pay for and SEE them dancing! She did pretty good. She got tired of doing the same dance over and over and over so she made up her own steps...I forgot my camera and video--but took crappy pictures with my phone and even crappier video to show Moonpie. Her tap dance is to Chattanooga Choo-Choo. CUTE! Good thing they have until June or July before recital...They got a ways to go.

Calie has the hots for a new fella. He likes her too--but they are moving slow (good). Football season is over but the drill team will be performing at all home games for the basketball season. J plays basketball. It's so funny to hear her come home and tell me word for word what was said at lunch. "Then he said________ and I laughed and said ________!" I hope it never ends...The 'her talking to me' thing...

Moonpie has been extremely nice the past few days. May have something to do with the fact that he leaves on Friday to go on a hunting trip to West Texas--and won't return until LATE Monday night. I told him that he BETTER bring something home...Even if he has to run over and armadillo to do it. The past few years he has come home empty handed. He bow hunts which means they have to crawl into your lap before you can shoot one...Plus he keeps waiting for Bambi's father to show up (big--lots of antlers--trophy sized) and he never does.

I've been feeling a little better (depression wise). I've been putting my plasma money on account and I have over $100 in there so far. I usually get my money before the hole in my arm clots over and have it spent before I get home. So saving it is a big thing for me. I want to get Moonpie something good for Christmas--without spending alot of money. I almost have a touch of Christmas Spirit. Today I added butter and egg to a mix and rolled out some sugar cookies--I made alot of Christmas trees, stars, angels and reindeer. Then I let Claudia and Carson spread icing on them and add some sprinkles! Of course I made 48 cookies and let them decorate 4 each before my patience was in the negative range. But it was progress... Ho Ho Ho.

Thanksgiving Host...

I hosted Thanksgiving this year. There was me, my 4 kids (Moonpie was working), my sister, her husband and their 2 boys and my Mother In Law. My brother and his family stayed home this year...I DID ask them to come. I roasted a turkey (I've never done before). Prepared dressing, green bean casserole, scalloped corn casserole, a spinach salad, a (jello pudding) chocolate pie, a cheesecake pie, thawed out some brownies, opened a can of Ocean Spray cranberries, made some jalepeno dip and opened some chex mix. My MIL fried some chicken and made rocking mac n cheese. My sister made a yummy punkin pie. We all pigged out.

I was so thankful for my guests. I was thankful when I carved the turkey and there was no bloody juices. I was thankful my sister browned the rolls--I would have burned them. I am thankful my MIL brought me some new bath towels (she believes in gifting the hostess...so sweet). I am thankful that Claudia, Carson and Caden only pooped 9 times between themselves. Tummy Virus? I was not thankful for the burnt onions on the green bean casserole. Not thankful that I forgot to do the gravy. Not thankful that when Moonpie came home he said "I hope yall plan on cleaning this place up tomorrow". And I swear to you, on a stack of Bibles as tall as Michael Jordan that it was NOT that bad--I had already cleaned the kitchen. But I was thankful that the couch was comfy that night--I slept like a baby--a baby who sleeps thru the night.

Today the dogs ate the left over dressing and the left over green bean casserole. I am supposed to put the Christmas tree up today. sigh. I have my windows open, it is so warm today. Well, warm for the end of November. And I am supposed to put up a Christmas tree today. That means I have to climb up in the attic (while making sure no one climbs the ladder behind me), drag the stuff down (without dropping a huge Rubbermaid tub on anyone's head) and then PUT IT UP! And decorate it. And keep Caden out of the tree. And clean the house to Moonpie's standards (or close).

Think I'll go eat another brownie before I really get started. OH! I bought and read the best book yesterday. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. I read it ALL! and cried my eyeballs out. LOVE IT. Get it if you can. Calie's reading it now.

More Drugs. Please...

We are upping Carson's Ritalin tomorrow. I think his little liver has caught onto the fact we are drugging him and so it is dumping the meds SO fast. He had been taking half of a 5mg pill in the AM, a quarter of a pill twice at school (10AM and 1PM) and another half at home after school. Now we are moving up to one half 4 times per day.

I am hoping that the increase is tolerated well and that it doesn't cause him to hide under tables and become depressed or over sensitive to EVERYTHING. Or say "Cookie" at everything. That was his catch phrase the last time we upped his meds. "Carson, help Claudia pick up the blocks." "Oh. Cookie. Cookie." If it does we will just back off again and talk to his psychiatrist. I am also hoping that when we go back to the shrink in December that we can move up to the patch. That will cause less of a disturbance to his school schedule.

I was at school with him twice last week. Once for a field trip and then later in the week for "Thanksgiving Dinner" (umm..yuck). He was OK...but I did have a few kids in the class say "Carson is wild" or "He likes to get in our faces too much". I tried to tell them "Well, Carson is just so excited to be at school and he likes his friends so much, we just have to remind him when he gets into your personal space". I want the kids to be kind. To like my boy. To cut him a little slack. I don't want him to become a social outcast. It is hard to explain without saying "Carson is ill. He is different. He is special." I don't want him to be labeled by his peers like that either. Ugh.

On a lighter note...Carson (and Claudia) got new Leap Frog Leapsters (hand held game) that teach numbers, shapes and allows them to be creative and use the drawing section. They LOVE them. Calie said it was the best money we ever spent on them--because the house is almost eerily quiet at times. Thank you Mimi! They LOVE them!!

A Few Pictures...

Haven't posted pictures in a while...



Calie. Every night she has to try on the next days "outfit" and I have to assure her it looks great.

alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting">

Caden. Waiting on more food.




Alice the Fairy and Woody.

Me Oh My...

Me. I've had emails "checking on me". I've had my sister calling me (crying) and worrying about me. I've had friends (Courtney) calling me and saying "Are you OK?" and even tho I know they mean the very, very best. That they love me 100%...it makes me feel so guilty. Like my depression is...I dunno. I wish it was easy to fix. That all the calls, emails and love could wipe it out but it doesn't--and that makes me feel guilty. Like I am failing them. I wish their calls and worry and "lets go do ______ today" would help but it doesn't.

I'm not thinking about suicide. It's not *that* bad. But it is there. The depression. I try to keep busy. I "do" alot with Courtney, I talk to my sister at least once but sometimes 2 times per day. I am a member of the local MOPS group. I donate plasma twice per week. I take my kids to the doctor when they need it. I wash their clothes. Make supper. Bathe them. But I feel like it is all just 'motions' I go thru... Sometime I 'do' so much that I just want a day at home. Where I do NOTHING. So I can rest. Watch TV. But then I get one of those days. Like today. And the depression is so THERE. or HERE. Maybe I need to go back into counseling. But then that would be one more "thing" I do. And maybe this is why I haven't taken that application and turned it in. Because subbing when they needed me would just be another thing I "do". Do I make sense? Well, I do to me! haha

Maybe my meds need adjusting. Or changing. Maybe I need something--but I don't know what I need. Except for a nap. I know I need one of those.

Claudia's SIX!

I can't believe that Claudia is 6. We had a birthday party for her last Friday night, here at home. She was so excited. We had family and a few friends of mine that have children her age (or close to it). I had Wal Mart fill up 30 balloons with helium. We taped them all over the place. I made her a cake and bought premade cupcakes too. We had pizza delivered. She got some niiiice gifts too. Her favorites (today) are the tea set and this digital puppy thing from the Littlest Pet Shop.

I heard her telling Carson "When you are six, then you will understand!" all about why sometimes words end in "e" but you don't SAY the "e". Smart girl.

At the party she dressed in a ballerina outfit, strappy sandals with clog heels, a hoodie jacket and her "today I am 6 years old!" ribbon. Quite the fashion plate. She has a boyfriend at school. Still the same one. They call each other "pet names" at school. Claudia calls L. "HoneyPie" and he calls her "Buttercup". OMG. The teacher finds is quite funny that Claudia signs her papers "Claudia *hearts* L." I try to discourage it gently--but her teacher tells me it is all normal (ha) and the less I say/do the better. Calie broke up with her boyfriend--she didn't "feel sparks" about him. They are still friends--tho I suspect he wishes more. I was hoping that this little update with Calie might persuade Claudia that she can be friends with L. also. But they are still an item. He even got his mom to buy cupcakes for Claudia's birthday for the whole class. aggghhh! hahaha!

I filled out an application to be a substitute teacher at a private, church based school. But I haven't turned in the application. Caden would be able to go to the day school/day care for free while I am there...and I could make about $50 per day. But it is just hard to get my mind around it all.

The weather has turned cooler. It is almost like Fall, for real. But in a few days the highs are supposed to be in the 80's. That ought to make my head cold/sinus stuff really take off. Yeah, and multiply times 20. Moonpie has been taking the kids on "adventures" into the pasture alot. Since we sold the horse the pasture is no longer off limits to them, so they are having a grand time.

Carson has strep throat again. And his teacher thinks that his antibiotic is messing with his adhd meds. He had a really "hard" day at school yesterday. One of the worst ones she said. He only has to take the antibiotic for 6 more days (when I told his teacher that she almost fainted). I am going to a 4 part seminar at Carson's school regarding "self directed discipline"...can't wait to see how that is done.

Caden is getting braver and more "terrible two" like every day. He is throwing more tantrums and hitting when he is mad/upset. This morning I was holding him in my lap at school, in the cafeteria, while waiting for Carson to get his breakfast tray...and Caden wanted DOWN. Because I wouldn't let him, he reached back and over his head and grabbed my throat and attempted to rip my skin off. I now have scratch marks on my neck and chin. Heathen. He needs a haircut. But there is nothing I love more than rubbing my nose and cheeks on the downy hair at the nape of his neck. yummy!

Calie is still Calie. Maybe my "slap her" instinct is less these days but she still aggravates me to no end. I went into her room this AM and her dog has no food and the hamster (that she has banished to her closet) has no water. So she will get the "You are so irresponsible...how would you like it if I didn't feed YOU?" lecture for the 3,000th time when she gets home. I'm sure this time it will make an impact on her. not.

OK, going to tell you about me but I gotta do it in a post by itself...

Mini Update (yes, we are all still alive)...

This will be quick, I am afraid. You see, Caden is crying, hanging onto my leg. Calie is getting ready for Friday Night performance at the football game later. Claudia is designing wedding dresses at the kitchen table. And Carson is watching the latest Halloween Show on Noggin.

I have been battling depression again--but really, when is it ever GONE?! Carson's ADHD is hard. He is having more good days than bad--but the bad is BAD. He loves to call everyone at home "dub ass!!" or "stoopid calla idiot" (we have no clue what the "calla" signifys. Maybe it is his variation of supercalafragilicious??). He rips off his shirt/pants/underwear if so much as one quater of a drop of ANYTHING gets on it/them, screaming "I'm wet!! I'm weeeettttttt!" Very fun for the teachers in the cafeteria at lunch, I am sure. He melts very easily into rage or heartbreaking tears. He isn't eating very well at school. At home I feed him everytime he says he is hungry, which comes in spurts. He passed his vision and hearing test at school (why am I surprised? He acts deaf at home). His whining will cause your ears to BLEED. But when he is good--he is very very good. I love this boy with a river that runs fast and deep. He is Woody (from Toy Story) for Halloween. The cutest, rootinest, tootinest cowboy in my land.

Calie is a bitch. She is 15, almost 16. Hateful. Selfish beyond belief. Mean. Snappy. I want to slap her. Daily. Sometimes many TIMES per day. She is MEAN to her siblings. Not just mean, HATEFUL. Her anger at them and us is so THERE that yo ucan taste and smell it in the air--like sulfur. Isn't that what the air is supposed to be like when Satan is around? Maybe I should wear garlic and carry holy water. I am hoping this is a phase. And if it doesn't pass soon she will be up for sale on ebay.

Claudia. My Little Boss. This one keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh my ass off. Yesterday she came home singing this: O Tom the toad, O Tom the toad. Why are you laying in the road? You did not see the car ahead. And now you are marked with car tread. O Tom the toad. O Tom the toad. Why are you laying in the road? Who can't laugh at that? "where did you hear that, Claudia?" "from My teacher."

Caden. 18 months old tomorrow. Still on the bottle (but not ALOT). Tomorrow I take ALL of them away. Not one more ounce of milk/juice/water will come from a bottle. Can he come sleep at your house Saturday thru next Wednesday? Nights will be a pain. Days will ache. I will probably cry more than he will. My baby. He looks so....so little with a nip in his mouth. He still refuses to call me "mama". I am "nana" (sounds just like mama, but with n's---na na.) I tell him to stop--people will think I am his grandmother, well, I AM 38.

I had a positive pregnancy test a few weeks ago. Talk about suicide thoughts. Short story--I am no longer pregnate. There will be no long story. Moonpie was great. Sometimes great doesn't help tho.

We celebrated 18 years of marriage/concentration camp a few weeks ago also. Guess what I got? If you guessed nothing you win a prize. And your prize is the same thing I got...

Gotta go. Caden is still fussing. I am still depressed. Calie is still a bitch. Carson's still watching tv and Claudia is silent...maybe she is folding the towels? ha...

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This...

Not so much today--but the past week or 2. Caden had a tummy virus. Puking up chunks of whole milk and Goldfish crackers. Then Carson had it. Twice. Carson is well known around these parts for 'puking while running'. He hates to throw up--so as soon as he starts (with little to no warning) he runs around trying to get away from the vile bile. And YOU try to keep a towel under his flailing head. Yeah, try. Then, on the day I thought Carson was done...He pooped on the floor of the bathroom. And Caden pooped on the floor--on the carpet--and STEPPED in it. sigh.

I had a touch of it. Nauseous. Mouth watering. Sweating. Feeling all "blech". Tired to the bone. Exhausted. I thought "OMG. I hope I'm SICK and not pregnate". I was sick. yehaw.

So, now I have mountains of blankets, comforters, sheets, pillowcases, pillows, towels, blankies, stuffed bears and wash cloths to wash, disenfect and air out. I may never get the smell of "a little tummy bug" outta the house.

3 out of six have had it--I don't want to do this again. Ever. So if someone gets sick they are banished from the house--they have to stay outside with the dogs and cats. You think I'm kidding.

Random Pictures....

Calie curled her hair once. It looks great...but she says it takes toooo long to do.



Claudia is so creative. Those are carrots for hair, peas for eyes and nose and pasta for a smile (the leftover peas are in her napkin).



Carson--during his "blue" period at school. poor fella.



Caden. Cute huh?

We Soooo Were Due For This...

No, we didn't win the lottery. Can't win if you don't play, huh?! But yesterday Carson brought home a GOOD note! I'm so excited I could scream. Yipppeeee! Goooooooo Carson! He had an "awesome day". The teacher told Moonpie, when he picked up the kids, that Carson had no "hard times" at ALL! No hitting, spitting, hiding or tantrums. He was able to participate in almost everything they did. He even helped a friend fold up his nap blankets after naptime. Without being asked! Moonpie took them out for a sundae after school. He was even able to stay on task almost all day. He was still hyper and very talkative but they were able to reason with him and get him redirected without bloodshed or headaches. What a prize.

The kids and I had a "sleepover" in the living room last night too. I try to have one every weekend. Me and the kids make a pallet in the floor and I let them sleep in the living room. I slept on the couch and Caden slept in the playpen in there. We all watched TV til we fell asleep. Everyone slept good--even me! This morning we had to get up and take Calie to drill team practice, so we stopped and got donut holes and pigs in a blanket. Everyone is in a good mood (at the moment) too. Oh happy day! Carson is playing with playdoh and Claudia is making a puppet with a brown paper sack. Caden in playing in the playpen. And I get a few minutes to chat with you.

Took Caden to the doctor yesterday. He doesn't have an ear infection (yet), but he has a horrible cough (back on the breathing treatments) and a runny nose--very nasty. Doc gave us a weeks worth of Singulair and a prescription for it. Hope it clears it all up. Poppy is coming down to the "river" for a few days--so we will go see him later. Poppy is my Uncle/Daddy. A paraplegic (Vietnam) who has had both legs amputated in the last few years (poor circulation). I adore him and so do the kids.

So it is looking like it might be a good weekend. It's about time.